I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle!


I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle!
To get what you really want, you must say "No" to what you don't want. Here's how.

To get what you really want, you must say "No" to what you don't want. Simple, but not easy.

I've settled for less than I really wanted many times in my life, and each time my awareness of just how much of myself I gave up to accept that "OK" job, buy that "OK" car, enter that "OK" relationship that was less than I really wanted came much later, when it was too late to do much about it.

Looking back with 20/20 hindsight, what could I have done differently? Honestly, probably nothing. I had lessons I needed to learn, a journey I was destined to take that led me to find the love of my life and the life that I love.

What did I learn from making all those choices that seemed right at the time?

Here's a few things-

  • Every choice has long-term consequences that are predictable if you're paying attention
  • If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
  • I listen to my fears and doubts way too much
  • My choices and results are a direct reflection of how worthy I feel and how well I'm taking care of myself
  • When I defend against what others say about me, they're always right and I'm always wrong (damn!)
  • Life doesn't work the way you want, need or expect, it works the way it works

Is it possible to catch myself settling before it's too late?

Yes, I just have to listen to the garbage I tell myself; such as:

* I don't want to be alone
* I REALLY want a relationship
* I'm tired of looking, I might as well choose this one
* I won't find anything/anyone better
* I'd rather have this now than risk nothing later
* I don't deserve true happiness
* 80% is good enough

Examining these statements now it's easy to see they're all FALSE. Looking back, I knew I was telling myself these things, but my awareness was dim enough, and my self-esteem low enough that I allowed them to dictate my choices.

What could I have done differently?

Simple. Require 100% and not settle for less.

All the times I talked myself into accepting 80% prevented me from finding and experiencing 100%. This hit home for me when I broke up an 80% relationship and then met the woman I was destined to marry just a few months later. It's like I finally passed a cosmic test of some kind.

Two years after finally finding my soul mate, the biggest secret to finding true love that I've learned is to love myself enough to fiercely go after 100% of what I really want and truly believe that it's possible.

Fiercely believe "I deserve to love and be loved."

Fiercely believe "Seek and ye shall find."

Fiercely believe "Build it, and they will come."

And, fiercely believe "I'd rather be single than settle!"

Article contributed by

David Steele


David Steele, MA, LMFT
Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute


Location: Campbell, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by David Steele:

Five Keys to a Radical Marriage


rad.i.cal (adjective): very different from the usual or traditional Most couples don't want an ordinary, boring, routine relationship. They want excitement, fun, closeness, love. When we get married we make vows to be together until death do us part. That's a long time, and sadly, half of marriages don't or can't keep that commitment. We ... Read more

Getting Real About Love, Sex, and Relationships


Relationship Coaching Institute announces the launch of “Let’s Get Real,” a weekly webTV program that promises to “make relationships cool” by challenging the status quo and telling the truth about relationships- no simplistic advice or pie-in-the-sky theories, just a frank, adult discussion about love, sex, and relationships in ... Read more

Looking For Love? There's An App For That!


Just in Time for Valentine's Day! Singles looking for love in mobile devices now have free access to a new app to get the mission accomplished. David Steele—founder of Relationship Coaching Institute, worldwide dating authority, best-selling author of Conscious Dating, and tech-savvy entrepreneur—today debuted the Conscious Dating App for ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular