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Men And “Bad Sex”


Men And “Bad Sex”
For men, all sex is good sex, right? Well...not exactly.

Today I would like to dispel a lousy rumor; one that persists despite the fact that it is not now, nor ever was true.  I’m talking about, of course, the idea that to men there is no such thing as “bad sex.”  This is absolutely false.  We do recognize bad sex.  But like lite beer and arena football, we will grudgingly embrace it if it’s the best of our readily available options.  Because what is equally true is that most men feel that some sex, even that of inferior quality, is better than no sex at all.

Now I know that some of you are thinking, “Wait.  Guys almost always have orgasms.  How ‘bad’ could sex be if they’re erupting all over the place?”  Good question.  And frankly, it’s easy to understand your confusion, because, for you, orgasm is indicative of achieving a certain level of sexual excitement that doesn’t always happen.  Not true for us.  For the most part, we consider sex and ejaculation almost synonymous.  One naturally follows the other.  Like night following day, or summer following spring, or flatulence following a chili cook-off, men are used to orgasm being the dependable conclusion to any sexual interlude.  And with rare exceptions this is the case…for us.  Men rarely begin a sexual activity wondering if they will climax.  We may worry about being unable to get or maintain an erection.  We may fret over coming too soon.  But we feel pretty confident that if we can get it up and get it in, getting it on will lead to getting us off.  It’s that simple. 

More from YourTango: Getting Men To Stop "Fixing" Your Emotions

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What this all means is that, for guys, our climax doesn’t indicate we had good sex, it just indicates we had…sex.  And for most of us, that, in and of itself, is a positive thing.  We still recognize different qualitative levels of sexual encounters, but we’re so thrilled to be having sex with someone other than ourselves that we rarely, if ever, bring up the issue, unless it’s to compliment you on your performance or the remarkably hospitable temperament of your vagina (though we probably won’t use those words).

So don’t expect to ever hear us complain or rate our sexual experience with you as less-than-stellar.  We’re smart enough to know that a critique or constructive criticism is less likely to lead to better sex, and more likely to lead to the unmistakable thud of your thighs slamming shut – never to be reopened in our presence again.  It is a sound that creates terror in our minds, emptiness in our hearts, and inconsolable sadness in parts below.  So do guys ever really have “bad sex?”  With others, perhaps, but never with you.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by David M. Matthews:

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Question: My significant other does not know how to handle my emotion when I am depressed or sad. He said he wanted to fix things, but he does not know how, so now he tends to shy away. And his avoidance only makes me feel worse. Is there a way for us to arrive at a happy medium? —Rhonda Answer: This is a great question, and one that has ... Read more

Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back


Question: My ex and I broke up several months ago after five years. Right after the break-up (which was pretty much mutual) I became desperate and needy, begging for him back, which obviously only pushed him away. Now that we've gone almost two months with no contact, we've started texting a very little bit here and there. I'm looking to get back ... Read more

Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?


Question: I have an unusual situation here...a guy I served with in the military back in my twenties (we are in our mid 40's now), found me on Facebook two years ago (I was married then).  He often sent me texts: jokes, political things, discussions about our kids (we both have teenaged boys, he's divorced).  We discovered that we had crushes ... Read more

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