There is a very common myth about infidelity, supported by Hollywood hype, that says that people are unfaithful because of sex. She's younger, he's more buff, they have hotter sex in exotic positions. In real life, affairs are NOT love stories and they are very, very rarely about sex. Infidelity experts agree that the majority of affairs start in an attempt to have emotional needs met. Experts Agree: Cheating Is Not About Sex
One of the biggest ways you can kindle the blazing love in your marriage is to have a vibrant sex life that meets the desires of both partners. Having a dynamic, vivacious married sex life is not something that "just happens"—especially as the years roll by. To maintain a level of emotional and physical intimacy that is satisfying to both partners over the decades takes investment and resources, but meeting the need of satisfying physical intimacy is a strong step towards affair-proofing your marriage. Sex can be great for both of you, for a lifetime!
In Your 20s:
In our twenties, we are usually at the peak of health and in the prime for physical intimacy. To affair-proof your marriage at this age, the best thing you can do is share sex with your partner as frequently as you both wish, and go on a journey together to learn what turns you on, what turns you off, and where your boundaries are as a couple.
Some of this decade's sexual health issues can be urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, birth control, and for her period cramps! So work with your doctor to find a UTI treatment that works for you, but don't neglect intimacy during a UTI—it's a perfect time to consider oral for your partner. 7 Must-Read Sex Tips
Although STDs can occur in any decade, during your twenties if you are going to have more than one sexual partner, safe sex can not be emphasized enough; and remember birth control pills prevent pregnancy but do not protect against STDs. Birth control is a very controversial subject. Everyone from physicians to religious leaders will have something to say about this topic, and yet I would encourage the couple to reach agreement on when and how to time pregnancy.
For women it's important to know that hormonal birth control does chemically change your hormones and thus can affect your libido and sex life. If you do lose your sex drive, living in a sexless marriage will make your partner vulnerable to infidelity—so go check it out and see if another method would reap results but also allow you to have a libido in higher gear.
In your 30s:
In your thirties, many couples have the added stress and responsibilities of homes, careers and children. All of these things can lead a couple to neglect their sexuality and forget that they are lovers first and parents second.
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Schedule a full, annual checkup. Get information about where you are now, physically. Ask for a full blood work so you know if hormones may need balancing, etc. Information is power and the more informed you are, the better you can address whatever sexual issues you may have. Remember, the goal is better sex!
Within 7 days I want you to:
Once you find out your results from the checkup, this is the time to share the results with your partner and make a plan together. Sex is an issue that affects BOTH parties in a marriage, and physical health affects our sex lives. So work together to review the results, be honest about what you can and cannot do to change or make sex better, and come up with a mutually agreed-upon plan. Begin to get what is needed to implement the plan, whether that be a medication, a gym membership, or a couples retreat. Remember the goal is to create a vibrant sex life!
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Armed with both the information from the appointment and the agreement with your partner, during the next 30 days put the plan into action. Set weekly goals and a monthly goal, and have a mentor to whom you can turn for encouragement, but who will also hold you accountable to working toward your goals. Check in with your partner daily—this is a great topic for pillow-talk—and if today wasn't a great day, let it go and start anew tomorrow. Remember the goal is create intimacy that is mutually satisfying for both of you and meets both of your needs for physical fulfillment.