Americans love the idea of a soulmate, but it can limit your chances of finding lasting love.
I've never been a big fan of this notion of soulmates, and after reading an article about a 2010 study on married couples who thought they were soulmates, my suspicions have been sadly confirmed.
According to this social research conducted by Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, "soulmate" couples are at a higher risk for divorce (150 percent versus other couples) and subsequently disenchantment.
Two-thirds of Americans believe in the romantic magic of soulmates. Yet, if these couples are destined to be together in relationships that are "meant to be," why did their marriages fail so devastatingly? As a dating coach for women over 40 with ten years of experience under my belt, I have my own theories on what causes these disastrous circumstances.
Here are five essential reasons why I recommend you stop searching for your soulmate right now:
1. Intense passion is not sustainable. The social research study shows that couples who consider themselves to be soulmates came together in a whirlwind of excitement and passion. Their happiness stems from intense physical chemistry that is most often impossible to sustain because this type of attraction tends to fade with time.
On the other hand, marriages formed between people who are caring and affectionate have a much greater chance of long-term wedded bliss. This kind of connection has endurance and can strengthen with time rather than fizzle.
2. Fairy tales are not real life. A woman who spends a lot of time dreaming of her soulmate usually has Disney-like thoughts of who the right man is. This level of romanticism leads a woman to hold unrealistic expectations that no man can satisfy. I'm sorry to say that Prince Charming is a fairy tale character, not a real man with human characteristics and flaws.
3. Idealized love breaks hearts. The idea of romantic destiny leaves many women heartbroken. After being with a soulmate, many of my clients can't seem to let go or move on. They idealize their love with a perfect man who got away. But keep this basic truth in mind, if the relationship was meant to be, soul mate couples would stay together. On the flip side, if you are no longer a couple, you simply were not destined for a life-long partnership.
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