5 Reasons To Stop Searching For Your Soulmate (And Do THIS Instead)

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Here's some food for thought.

Here's some food for thought.

I've never been a big fan of this notion of soulmates, and after reading about a study on married couples who thought they were soulmates, my suspicions have been sadly confirmed.

According to this social research conducted by Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, "soulmate" couples are at a higher risk for divorce (150 percent versus other couples) and subsequently disenchantment.

Two-thirds of Americans believe in the romantic magic of soulmates. Yet, if these couples are destined to be together in relationships that are "meant to be," why did their marriages fail so devastatingly?

Here are five essential reasons I recommend you stop searching for your soulmate right now.

1. Intense passion is not sustainable.

The social research study shows that couples who consider themselves to be soulmates came together in a whirlwind of excitement and passion. Their happiness stems from intense physical chemistry that is most often impossible to sustain because this type of attraction tends to fade with time.

On the other hand, marriages formed between people who are caring and affectionate have a much greater chance of long-term wedded bliss. This kind of connection has endurance and can strengthen with time rather than fizzle.

2. Fairytales are not real life.

A woman who spends a lot of time dreaming of her soulmate usually has Disney-like thoughts of who the right man is. This level of romanticism leads a woman to hold unrealistic expectations that no man can satisfy. I'm sorry to say that Prince Charming is a fairy tale character, not a real man with human characteristics and flaws.

3. Idealized love breaks hearts.

The idea of romantic destiny leaves many women heartbroken. After being with a soulmate, many of my clients can't seem to let go or move on. They idealize their love with a perfect man who got away.

But keep this basic truth in mind: if the relationship was meant to be, soulmate couples would stay together. On the flip side, if you are no longer a couple, you simply were not destined for a life-long partnership.

4. A soulmate only permits one great love.

Some mid-life women who have been in a marriage ending with divorce, or the passing of a spouse, resign themselves to living without love the rest of their lives. I've been told many times by women, "I've had the one great love of my life and that's all I get."

Having been with a soulmate once, they feel that's all they are entitled to. How sad is that type of thinking? 

These women eliminate the possibility of finding love again. Plenty of people find love a second or third time. However, the idea of soulmates keeps them from even considering such an opportunity.

5. There's a new definition of soulmate.

I prefer a wider definition of soulmates that allows for more than one shot at love. While 50 percent of couples stay together until death, the other half do not. It is no longer a given in our society. My radical suggestion is to consider that you may, in fact, have more than one soulmate.

From a spiritual perspective, experts say we come together in relationship because that is where the most life lessons occur. In essence, having more than one soulmate can mean you are learning on many levels.

Once you expand your definition of soulmates, the heartbreak of a broken relationship can be put into perspective. Plus — and this is huge — it gives you the freedom to love again and again.

I'm a big believer in love. For some it lasts a lifetime. For others, they get more than one chance at getting it right. If you can let go of the idea of love being about perfection, your chances of having love in your life increase exponentially.

Stop searching for your one perfect love and soulmate. Start seeking the right relationship for you with someone who is compatible, supportive, kind, loving, shares similar values, and wants what you want in a relationship. Now that is a recipe for long-term romantic success.


Find out how you can find love over 40 and get Ronnie's free ebook, 5 Big Turnoffs that Drive Men Away and 7 Surefire Ways to Become Irresistible to Men.



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