7 Seemingly Subtle Signs That A Man's Not Into You (That Are More Obvious Than You Think)

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7 Signs He's Not Into You That May Seem Subtle (But Actually Aren't)

He's just not feeling it.

Everybody knows that, sometimes, you date someone who just doesn’t dig you like you do them. He sees you as a friend or not his type. You remind him of his sister or, worse, his aunt from Ohio. He doesn’t feel a connection or maybe he’s intimidated. 

There are all kinds of reasons he is not that into you. And there are also signs that make it fairly loud and clear.

Now, these signs aren’t always obvious to women and this sets the table for frustration. The last thing someone wants to do is invest in time, money, and lipstick for a man with whom they have no future.

To quote any woman who has ever gone on a less-than-stellar date, "I shaved my legs for this?"

However, knowing the signs can allow a woman to get out of the relationship before they waste anything of themselves. So, what are the hints, the signals, the clues? What tells a woman that he is not that into you and it’s time to go find someone who is?

The signs that he's not into you start with the following:

1. He won't connect more than twice a week.

Of all the signs he’s not into you, this is probably the biggest. Yet, remember, connecting doesn’t mean texting; in fact, some men who aren’t into you will text you with frequency. It takes minimal effort, after all.

If you’re not actually seeing your man more than twice or week (excluding a long-distance relationship), then it’s time to tear up his dance card and go tango with someone new.


RELATED: How To Tell He's Not Into You, According To Relationship Experts


2. He's not being vulnerable with you.

No one likes to wear their vulnerability on their sleeve, but this is especially true for men (it gets in the way when they flex). But there is power in vulnerability for one main reason: it leads to connection. If you want to know someone, really know someone, then you have to get past the fab into the flaws. That’s where love begins.

But, there is a catch: if he is revealing his vulnerabilities but using those vulnerabilities as a way to dodge spending time together, that’s also a clue. The old "I’m too stressed out to meet up with you" is about as telling as "Sorry, I’m busy every Friday night until 2061."

3. He won't introduce you to his friends.

If he's not bringing you into his life and introducing you to his friends (or his family) it’s not because he thinks you’re the one. Rather, it's because he doesn’t envision a future with you.

And don’t take this personally because it’s not always about you: he might not envision a future with anyone.

4. You relate on a one-dimensional level.

If you and the man you are seeing relate to each other on one level, it simply means that you’re only involved with him on that level (and nothing more).

Maybe you always visit each other’s houses, but you never go on a trip. Or maybe you hang out at the pool hall but never talk about meeting each other’s parents. Maybe you hang out with each other at the dog park but never go on a proper date.

If you’re dating in some type of restrictive box, it’s time to bust that package open. Otherwise, you risk hanging around in the friendzone, wasting time, and missing out when someone better for you comes along.

5. He tells you point blank.

Okay, you don’t need a decoder ring to solve this riddle: if a man tells you he’s not into you, he’s not. Again, this might have nothing to do with you: you may be a great catch. But greatness isn’t always enough. If a man feels as though he can’t give you what you need, for instance, he will pull away.

Sometimes, this might seem like a matter of biding your time and waiting for him to grow. But, the one thing everyone in the dating world knows is this: you can’t change someone. Only they can do that.

Many men make this clear from the get-go: they’re looking for something less serious than you are. This is important to recognize early on in relationships. If he’s giving you this signal, listen. If you want something more than he can offer, leave.


RELATED: 15 Things Men Say When They're Not Into You (Sorry!)


6. He's not including you in his future plans.

If a man is making future plans that don’t include you, then he’s not the Mr. to your Mrs. This doesn’t need to be anything extreme: he doesn’t need to be planning to move to Africa or quit his job and backpack across Europe.

If he’s not doing something basic like asking you what your plans are for the upcoming months, he’s not committed. And, of course, you shouldn’t be either: you’re plan-worthy. Thus, find someone who wants to make plans with you next week, next month, and next year.

7. You're doing all the chasing.

Doing all the chasing is a practice in futility (but hopefully you’re at least wearing your Fitbit). If a man is into you, he’ll initiate things — dates, conversations, commitments (i.e., not just sex). If you’re the only one who’s ever trying to move your relationship forward, then he’s holding it back. And he’s holding you back in the process.


RELATED: If He Does These 10 Things, He's Just Not That Into You (Sorry!)


Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.

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