I was shocked to see just how many family-minded men there were once the pressure was off.
This post was written by Shelley of Relationship Coach duo Claudette & Shelley.
Do you want a family and you're scared if you'll ever find the right guy before it’s "too late?" Facing those exact desires and fears, I froze my eggs in my 30s. I never could have predicted what happened in my dating life because of my brave choice and a $20,000+ investment. It's not like there's a playbook for dating with frozen eggs.
I'd been so busy with a successful business in the international fashion industry and traveling up to 70% of the time that dating had become near impossible. My dream of a happy family with a wonderful man sometimes felt like it was slipping away. People often commented "I guess you decided not to have a family and went the career route instead." Or they urged me with what they thought was positive reinforcements — "You'd make such an incredible mother, why don't you have a baby on your own?" If only they knew how painful it was for me to hear these comments. It was fine if other women made those choices, but that was not what I wanted.
My lifelong dream had always included a wonderful man, happy relationship and beautiful babies. After traveling the world and succeeding in my career, I even saw myself going a different direction, which was to stay at home to raise children. What I found, like so many women in this same situation, was that the more money and success I had, the more difficult dating seemed to become.
It is surprising to see so many stories about women freezing their eggs, like Later, Baby: Will Freezing Your Eggs Free Your Career, the cover story on Bloomberg Business recently. These articles are so focused on women choosing career over baby or implying that they should make a decision. While I'm sure some women do choose to freeze their eggs for that reason and there is nothing wrong with that, there are other reasons that might lead women to consider freezing their eggs or feeling like it may be their only chance at a family someday.
Could the level of success that a woman experiences in her career have a direct correlation to her lack of success in dating? Or another perspective revolves around whether their career became their focus as a result of dating, marriage and family not working out for them like they had wanted? It's a lot more acceptable in our society these days to tell the story that you chose career over kids. Who wants to scream out to the world that their heart is broken because marriage and family has not worked out?
I decided to freeze my eggs believing that it was a good investment to protect my right to have a baby in the future. At the time, freezing your eggs was only a rumor floating around. Since then, the possibility of having kids as we get older has become even more feasible, which is welcome news to many. Why should successful women in our society not be mothers just because it might take longer to find the right partner? Men have been doing this for years and no one has blinked.
Are you ready for the shocking results of how freezing my eggs transformed my dating life?
The day of egg extraction I awoke from the anesthesia, feeling empowered and relieved. There were no guarantees that my eggs would be viable. No woman of any age really knows it's possible until she has a baby. But, for me the decision to and the process of freezing my eggs ($20,000 and surgery) helped me get very clear about just how serious I was about my priority to have kids in the future when I found the right man to lovingly partner with. I now felt empowered to make the necessary changes in my life and career that would give me the best chance to fulfill my dream of family.
Freezing my eggs allowed me to date without the same pressure of time slipping away and losing the ability to have kids. Instead of rushing into an interview with men to see if they were a match and children were also in their future, I began to apply something that I now teach with my business partner Claudette to single men and women called the Power of the Pause Dating Technique.
Less pressure within me allowed there to be less pressure on my dates and the men could sense it. Men responded to me differently and I dated several men who were open to having a family later in life. I learned to unfold the story about freezing my eggs just right so it actually became a dating asset. One man even joked about having and providing for eleven babies because that is the number of eggs that I froze, not knowing that's not quite how it works.
Freezing your eggs is certainly not for everyone, but if you're in your 30s or early 40s and you have a dream of being in a happy relationship and having kids with the right partner, it's something that you might want to consider. Not only do you possibly preserve your ability to have a biological child, but you claim just how serious you are about what you want for your future. That is empowering.
If freezing your eggs is not right for you, but having a family with the right man is your dream, may this story inspire you to take action and course correct your life. There are many ways to have a family these days at any age. It's a matter of what is right for you.
Do you want to know more about how I transformed my dating life using the Power of the Pause Dating Technique? My journey and course corrections led me to become more authentic and attract many men who are open to having kids and making a future. Claudette and I would be honored to have you join our tribe of men & women who are all about becoming empowered to get, have and keep great relationships with simple to use gender based tools. We share our free mini course Get Dates or Re-Ignite Your Relationship with 3 Must Have Tools for Men & Women with members of our tribe.