Solitude Or Loneliness? Being Comfortable Alone Post-Divorce

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Solitude Or Loneliness? Being Comfortable Alone Post-Divorce
Banish your fear of loneliness and being alone by learning to be your own best friend.

Just because you've recently been divorced does not mean that your life is over. However, when asked what her greatest fear is during and after a divorce, women often answer "being alone." Letting go of these fears is a part of the divorce recovery process. Once you have grieved the death of your marriage, there is no reason that you can't create a happy and fulfilling life full of love and joy.

First of all, you need to know what loneliness and being alone mean to you. It's all in your perception and what story you have attached to these words. According to the dictionary, the word "alone" means to be isolated from others. The definition of the word "loneliness" is a depressing feeling of being alone.

After being married for years, it is strange to think of being alone. You are used to someone always being there. You and your ex had a certain routine. You depended upon each other for certain things, such as taking the trash out, doing the laundry or getting the oil changed. Maybe you enjoyed Sunday morning pancakes or watching your favorite show together on Thursday nights. You can't bear the thought of being alone in a silent house.

Possibly, you fear that no one will ever love you again. You picture yourself being a frail old cat lady that no one loves. Maybe you think you are too old, fat or ugly for any man to ever take a second look at you. Or perhaps you feel like Jenna, who feared that she would die from lack of physical contact.

Divorce Recovery: 4 Steps to Being Comfortable Being Alone

1. Redirect your thoughts.

Take the negative thoughts and images out of your mind and replace them with more positive, happy thoughts. Realize that your thoughts are not necessarily true. For some reason your subconscious has chosen to believe them. One possible reason could be that you overheard people talking about the lonely divorcee when you were a child, but it really isn’t important where they came from. It is important for you to identify your thoughts. Choose what you want to believe and constantly redirect your mind to these happier thoughts.

2. What do you miss?

Be honest with yourself here. You may miss the sound of him working with his power tools in the garage. Perhaps you have become so accustomed to his snoring that it's hard to sleep without it. You may miss the fact that he would feed and walk the dogs. And of course, you could miss the warmth of a body next to yours. It's interesting how many women say they miss the sex, when it has been dormant in their marriage for months or possibly even years before the physical separation. Even if the two of you shared great sex up till the end, it does not equate to a loving relationship.

3. Learn how to be alone.

Ask yourself what you can appreciate about being alone. Make a game of it and see how many things you can list on a piece of paper. Perhaps it's nice going to sleep without the television on for background noise. Maybe you really like sleeping in middle of the bed or having the entire closet all to yourself. You can leave dirty dishes in the sink if you feel like it, or if you are a clean fanatic it might be nice to not have to worry about him leaving them there. This is your life. You can live it as you please. You can come and go without answering to anyone. You can do whatever you feel like when you want to, without being questioned. Malinda took advantage of her time by taking a long road trip and seeing the sites that she had always wanted to see.

4. Meet new people.

You can only be alone if you choose to be alone. There are millions of people in this world. Make it a point to go meet them. If you choose to wallow in your house, you will never meet them. Take the initiative. Scan your paper for events that you can attend. More than likely, you will find things that you are interested in, be it exercising, riding a bike, reading books or watching movies. MeetUp.com is a great place to start finding out what’s near you. When you get invited to barbeques or other parties, go to them. You never know who you might meet there and strike up a lifelong friendship with.

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone.

It has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone.

And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.”

Paul Tillich

This quote really hits home. It shows you how your beliefs are creating your feelings. It is up to you to find and express the glory of being alone in order to banish loneliness. There are thousands of women who have found that you do not have to be alone and lonely just because you are single. As a matter of fact, there is nothing as lonely as being alone in a marriage. Get out there and discover new friends, activities and a newfound passion for life.

Visit DivorceRecoveryCompass.com to discover where you are in the healing process.

More Divorce advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Cindy Holbrook

Divorce Coach

Find out where you are in the recovery process, visit DivorceRecoveryCompass.com now. And Discover how you can quickly grieve the death of your marriage and the loss of your hopes and dreams, so that you can move forward with Peace, Confidence and Clarity as you discover the magnificent woman within!

Wishing you a life full of Peace and Happiness!

Cindy Holbrook

CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com

Location: Ridgecrest, CA
Credentials: CPC
Specialties: Divorce/Divorce Prevention
Other Articles/News by Cindy Holbrook:

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