When you feel you've been hurt or mistreated, it's common to get angry — and anger is unpleasant, to say the least. So, anger following a breakup or divorce is natural ... but is it healthy? Does anger toward your ex help you move forward, or does it hold you back? Turns out, it does both.
On the surface, it seems remaining angry with your ex is the right thing to do. After all, he hurt you. He said horrible things to and about you. He may have cheated, turned your family or friends against you or taken away your livelihood. You think, "I have every right to be angry," and you may be right.
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In every divorce, there is bitterness, anger and sadness within both parties — even the partner who left. After all, a breakdown of a marriage does not happen overnight. The man or woman who has an affair does so because he or she has needs that are not being met. Often, these needs have nothing at all to do with sex.
A pattern of communication emerged in your marriage that manifests as an ugly dragon during the separation and divorce. You both know how to push the other person's buttons. He says something, knowing how you will respond. You react accordingly and the vicious cycle begins. Just know that you can and will heal. There really is life after divorce.
Here are four ways you benefit by remaining angry at your ex:
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1. You receive attention. You tell your story to everyone who will listen. They are shocked and horrified by what your ex said or did. They may hug you and tell you that you deserve better. They encourage you. They validate your right to be angry by concurring that your ex is an uncaring, hateful spiteful person. This makes you feel like a good person — or at least a better person than your ex. Keep reading ...
More break up advice from YourTango: