Why Women Get Played By The Men They Date

Love

Learn why women let these men destroy their self-esteem.

Women who get played by men aren't "dumb" or "inexperienced". Smart women get played all the time … and not because the guy is bright or smooth, but because his bullsh*t story has enough tangible possibility for it to be believable. Moreover, these "players" aren't useless men. They watch and wait — predators of a sort — and fill a specific need that a woman is looking for. And not just any need, but a core need she wants filled: sex, affection, security, attention, freedom, romance, etc.

Once that need begins being filled, she starts ignoring the glaring red flags of his other behavior. And because his romantic repertoire is meager (at best), he begins dropping back and/or not fulfilling her other critical wants/needs, but her initial core need is still being met. This is a dangerous death spiral for her self-esteem, as she begins wondering why he's filling one but not the rest, so she thinks she "must not be worth it."

Her feelings of inadequacy lend themselves to her trying more and more and putting up with worse and worse behavior ... until he leaves. She then wonders what she did wrong, and what she did to deserve him treating her so poorly. Her self-esteem has taken multiple hits, and she needs a boost. And oftentimes another wrong guy begins filling that core need, and the cycle repeats.

The way through: What's needed is a realization that in any relationship, there is always a trade-off. There will be needs of yours that can be met, and others that your partner can't possibly meet because they either aren't aware, don't have the skills or simply don't want to. Apart from met or unmet needs, if the relationship is based on them holding you at arm's length emotionally, physically or spiritually, the trade-off is most-often too unbalanced for any long-term success.​ Better to cut things off sooner than later and seek your companionship in a place where it can be met and/or appreciated.

More dating advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Expert

Explore YourTango