After a breakup, why do men try to come back for a second chance?
To ask Charles your love and relationship questions, join him on Facebook Thursday 3/8 at 2pm eastern!
Boomerang: (noun) A curved piece of wood when properly thrown will return to thrower.
Boomerang Man: Annoying; a man that a woman has stopped being romantically involved with who gets in contact for unknown reasons. (See booMANerang.) Relationship Kryptonite: The Saturday Guy
Every romantic relationship has an "original agreement", whether it's sexual, financial, emotional, or a combination of all three. When this original agreement isn't being fulfilled, it causes the relationship to stall or end. Although there are plenty of exceptions, statistically this happens most in new relationships, and it seems to be the woman that breaks things off for a number of reasons. If it's really that early in the relationship, the reasons are usually big "dealbreakers" of a sort. If the women has a firm sense of her self-esteem, things like cheating and lying aren't forgiven. As such, the relationship may end abruptly, and the man is told (on no uncertain terms) to be gone. 25 Dating Dos And Don'ts [VIDEO]
The million-dollar question is: After this kind of breakup, why do some men come back or get in contact with the woman again after some time has passed? From an anonymous reader on my Facebook Page:
"I've had almost every guy of every type of relationship in the spectrum come back over the years. What prompted me to email you was that I received a well wishing text yesterday from someone I'd casually dated for a few months. It ended very badly back in February after I discovered him lying about some things. I told him to never contact me again and until yesterday, he respected my wishes. I've always said that men are like boomerangs but i never in a million years thought this one would reach out to me again for any reason especially because when I shamed him once, he confessed to everything that was going on."
Men learn from their mistakes but some of them don't learn as quickly as some women would hope, and sometimes they come back to try again after they learn some new things. This usually doesn't jibe well. The question is, why do they return? Well, here are a few possibilities: Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys - The Battle Continues
1. Epic Sex. No man wants to give up good sex. If there was a good physical relationship, it's a good reason for him to return. Is the woman able to separate the physical stuff that works in the relationship with the emotional aspects that may be lacking?
2. The Do-Over. When it comes to relationships, most men are experiential learners and they learn more by making mistakes. After they've made a few, they end up altering some things (behavior, patterns etc.) and set out to their next relationship, presumably more prepared. If he made a bunch of mistakes with a past partner, yet felt that there was some kind of connection, he may return for a second go-round. Note, however, that relationship dynamics tend to stay the same, even on a second try. After all, when you pull milk out of the fridge and it's spoiled, you don't put it back and hope it's fresh tomorrow. Sometimes, you just have to throw it out.
3. Single...Again. Men on the rebound tend to reconnect with past girlfriends and lovers. The reasons vary, but mostly due to the above mentions and motivations. By reaching out with a simple phone call, email or text message, he's testing the waters and will gauge what is possible by the woman's reaction.
Here is my advice: While some boomerang relationships can be successful, there have to be some changes made. Unless the individuals have fundamentally changed for themselves, a rekindled relationship runs the risk of picking up the same failed dynamics exactly where it left off. Remember: There was a reason the relationship failed in the first place.
To Read Great Sex Advice:
This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.