Is there something as too soon to start seeing a Couples Coach? And when is it too late?
When one or both members of a couple begin to consider reaching out to a Couples Coach, so many emotions come into play. Tension exists in the relationship, there can be confusion and fear, but also a feeling of hope that the relationship can be helped or even saved. Is there something as too soon to start seeing a Couples Coach? And when is it too late?
The best time to go to a Couples Coach is before you get married or have children.
Before your relationship gets into trouble, you can admit there is some disagreement over certain things about which one or both of you feel strongly. Because the Couples Coach is there to protect both you and the conversation, you can freely and honestly express your true feelings and possible reservations. In this way you can avoid a potential pitfall of all new commitments—that by sharing your concerns and doubts, you may rock the boat or put a damper on the relationship.
I especially enjoy working with newlyweds. It might surprise those around you that you’re heading to a couples couch right after the honeymoon, but everything is fresh at the start of the marriage. It means getting things straightened out before you even develop destructive communication patterns. You can make healthy changes and they will have a chance of sticking.
New patterns of communication will be created in a marriage, regardless, and it’s easy for the negative or destructive pattern to stick as the norm. I often wonder how many of the couples I have helped in this way have fared better in their commitments to each other as a result of our work together early in the relationship.
The next most important time to reach out of help from a Couples Coach is as soon as you get a feeling in your stomach that your relationship is in trouble. When that moment happens, it may take your breath away with worry. That’s the moment that you pick up the phone and go get help. Your body will let you know. It doesn’t matter if you’re 10 years into your marriage or 10 days. All that matters is that it’s the right time.
Reaching out to a Couples Coach the moment you start to sense trouble means that your relationship begins to heal in that moment. But what if you get that gut feeling, but hesitate to ask for help? Your troubled relationship will not magically heal itself.
Instead, there will be more bad days, arguments and negative feelings. You may even push your relationship to the breaking point. Coming back from there, even with the best couples coach, is so much more work than healing your relationship at the first sign of trouble.
Taking action to save your relationship as soon as you feel it’s in danger will change not only your relationship, but also your life.
You have recognized that there is a communication problem and before it can do more damage, you will work with the Couples Coach to create healthier habits. This work will have a spillover effect into all areas of your life. Expect more positive interactions at work, with friends, with parents and siblings as well as with your own children. That’s just the way it works. Loving and positive interactions with your partner, beget more loving and positive interactions with your other important relationships.
I’m working with a very smart couple right now that just got married and they’re facing these issues of secret expectations of what marriage would mean. In order to protect their new marriage, they’re doing something about it right away. It’s less than 6 months into their marriage and they know that working with a couples coach now will give them the healthy communication patterns they need and save them from hours of useless fighting in destructive patterns. I think this couple is going to make it in the long-term.
Having a relationship or marriage is an exercise in losing control. When you fall in love with someone and give that person your affection, you become vulnerable. That person has the power to hurt you.
Inviting a Couples Coach in means that you and your partner will be given the tools to support each other, not hurt each other. Even during bad times and disagreements, you’ll learn how to not make each other feel vulnerable but instead feel safe. Most people consider their romantic partner as their best friend and a couples coach let’s you know how to keep on treating that partner and friend like your favorite person in the world.
Any time you have doubts about your relationship’s future is the right time to start fighting for it.