9 Steps To Setting And Reaching Relationship Goals

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YourTango Experts help you set and meet relationship goals for a happier love life and happier you.

One powerful to make sure that you're doing all that you can to attract the love life you truly desire is to take an honest look at your relationship values to make sure that they are moving you toward what you want and away from what you don't want? YourTango Experts have outlined a list of ways to help you set and, importantly, reach your love life goals. Don't wait, get going living your best love life now!

1. Start with this goal-setting exercise.
First, make a list of what is important to you in an intimate relationship? Be very specific and focus on what you need to be happy, feel satisfied and to be truly connected to another human being. Rank the list in order of importance—rank things that are "non-negotiable" at the top and those that are of lesser importance below. Is His Financial Status A Dealbreaker?

Then, while looking at the list and ask yourself, "Why is this important to me?" Notice the language you use. Does it make you feel good, or is it associated with something hurtful or undesirable from the past? If it's attached to the past, write down the negative emotion you are avoiding. Is there anger, sadness, guilt, hurt or shame associated with that value?

Next bring back to mind the role model you highlighted for yourself yesterday. Make a list of what you believe his/her values are in relationship. What is important to him/her? What does he/she need?

Now go through the list and ask yourself, "Do I hold/have this quality?" If not, how can you cultivate it? Focus on actions you can take to embody these qualities. Are there values you hold that are getting in the way of a healthy relationship? Perhaps now is a good time to release them for your highest good?

Orna & Matthew Walters, Life/Relationship Coaches

2. Make goals specific, measurable and attach a deadline. It's not a good feeling when we set goals and don't reach them. So how can you improve your chances of realizing your relationship goals this year? With details and accountability. Instead of, "Get more serious with my boyfriend" or "Start dating again by fall," try "Be engaged by June 1st" or "Go on six dates by October 10th." Goal-setting is no place for timidity, so be bold and say the thing you really want, without worrying about the "how." If you declare it, the how will come.

3. Imagine what life is like when you've achieved it. What are you doing, how do you look and feel, where are you? Work backwards from this vision to design a plan of action to realize the goal by your chosen date. Put this plan where you can see it, moving it regularly so it remains visible.

4. Ask for help when you need it. If you feel yourself stopped by procrastination or fear, enroll a buddy with similar goals to keep you on track, or hire a coach to support you to shift limiting beliefs and patterns. 6 Ways To Be Extra Supportive

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Brian Rzepczynski

Counselor/Therapist

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, Licensed Relationship Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating, relationship, and sexual enrichment tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Location: Aurora, IL
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Gay/Lesbian/Identity Issues, Sex Therapy
Advanced Member

Orna And Matthew Walters

Relationship Coach

Creating Love On Purpose…not just by accident!

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Everything in life worth having takes effort. When it comes to matters of the heart we all seem to buy into the idea that it will happen by magic. The truth is that your internal guidance system will continue to create the same dysfunctional relationships over and over again . . . until we make the effort to change our story!

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