Learn how to hear your lover’s words and sounds in ways that enhance arousal and enjoyment
You’re probably aware that there are a host of articles, blogs and books on hot, sexy ways to turn on your lover with words and voice tone, including my own recent YourTango articles; “The Power of Pillow Talk” and "4 Quick Tips for a Sexier Voice". However, the other side of this equation is rarely addressed: the role of the listener.
What is sensual listening? As I describe in my book THE FINE ART OF EROTIC TALK, “While taking a warm shower have you ever closed your eyes and just concentrated on the feel of the soothing water on your skin? “ Sensual listening involves a similar relaxed, yet focused mindset. As your lover verbally expresses his or her attraction, desire or love for you, you bring your attention to the manner in which his/her words and voice affect your body, your heart and your soul.” In such a state, such words can begin to feel like erotic caresses. Whether you find such a state of aural awareness easy or difficult to access, the following exercise should help you fine tune this skill.
Exercise: WHOLE BODY LISTENING
(For this exercise it will be helpful to have a favorite erotic novel, sensual poem or sultry song. If you have nothing available, you may use the erotic poetry in my recent blogs: Erotic Troubadours, Part 1 and Part 2. (Click on links.) Or you may wish to read from my e-manual, Your Daily Verbal Aphrodisiac: Sensual Suggestions and Romantic Enticements.
Sit across from your lover on a comfortable chair, back jack or pillow, allowing yourself to sink into its support. Then bring your awareness into the areas of your body that need release. As you do so, maintain the attitude of a curious explorer in a new land, simply noticing what’s there without attempting to alter it in any way. When your lover begins to speak to you, listen to your lover’s voice with that same attitude of discovery.
When you feel centered and ready, ask your partner to read to you from the piece of literature that you’ve prepared for this experience, or, if it feels comfortable, to sing to you – from a grounded place deep within his or her body. Close your eyes and allow those words and sounds to flow over your skin like warm, silky massage lotion, onto the surface of your tongue like rich, melted chocolate, and through your body like sweet, warm honey.
Be aware of the kinds of physical and emotional responses these words and sounds arouse within you. You may feel a rush of warmth in your heart, a delicious tingle in your genitals or a flood of joy through your solar plexus.. And notice if these sensations move from one area to another, or radiate throughout your entire body. Whatever form they take, relax and enjoy them.
Next, imagine that the auditory nerves that are in your ears – those that allow you to take in sounds - have regenerated over your entire body. Suddenly you can hear through your skin!. In this mind frame, take in your lover’s words through your toes, between your fingers. behind your knees, in the bend in your elbows. Let these sensual words and sounds melt into the small of your back, the nape of your neck, the palms of your hands. Allow them to softly penetrate your chest and enter your heart. Let these luscious sounds in through your abdomen, your thighs, your genitals. As you listen through these new auditory nerves, notice in what ways and in which parts of your body they affect you the most. Notice where they sooth and relax you, where they warm and inspire you, and where they stir and excite you. Whatever their impact, just observe and enjoy.
Before you reverse roles, so that your partner has a chance to experience being the receiver of your verbal caresses, I suggest the following exchange:
Let your partner know what he said to you, or the way she used her voice, that you found especially pleasurable. And, if there were elements that didn’t work, see if you can envision what it would take to make them work for you. Once you have a clear idea, share that image with your lover. Maybe you’d like him to speak more softly or slowly or her to use a lower register of her voice. In other words, instead of telling your partner what turned you off, let him know what he could do instead to turn you on. But remember to first appreciate your partner for the parts that did work. That way, you will be less likely to trigger a defensive response and more likely to elicit empathy and grace.
As you continue to practice the art of sensual listening, your sensitivity to your lover’s words and voice will intensify. Just think of what fun you can both have simply conversing on the phone with one another. That’s a topic I’ll address in a future article. Stay tuned..