The #1 Myth About Marriage, Debunked

By Barbara Becker Holstein. Posted on Oct 25th 2012.

Behind every divorce is an extramarital affair, right? Wrong.

Janet and Mike were headed for divorce. So were Sally and Jim. Janet slept in the guest bedroom. She hardly spoke to Mike, unless it was a necessity.

Both had hired lawyers. Sally and Jim also had their divorce lawyers lined up. They hadn 't enjoyed each other's company in years. Talking led to screaming and both were sick of the fights.

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How many infidelities had taken place between these two couples? Surprisingly, the answer was none. No one had acted out in an extramarital affair. Yet all four people—two very different marriages, with different styles and personalities—all were miserable enough to get divorced. But how come?

Let's look first at Janet and Mike. They met on a summer cruise and had a whirlwind love affair. Back home, living 300 miles apart, they were determined to marry and be together as soon as possible. Janet left her small town and her blossoming career as an event planner to move to Mike's city. Since he already owned a home next door to his parent's home, they decided to keep his home.

Romantic feelings and great sex soon gave way to problems resulting from being so close to in-laws. Everyone felt free to visit at any time. Privacy was rare. Janet craved company, as she was lonely and unable to relocate professionally ... but not the company of her mother-in-law.

Mike felt disappointed that Janet wasn't much of a homemaker, discounting all of her grievances that he had already decorated his house, planted his garden-his way, and she had no way to make the place her own.

Long story short: the marriage simply wasn 't working. After a failed effort to have a baby, the gulf was even wider. Divorce seemed to be only way out. Mike wanted peace again in his own home. Janet wanted to move back to her town and regain pride in herself.

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Barbara Becker Holstein

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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

telephone: 732-571-1200 e-mail: drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Websites: Enchanted Self TheTruthforgirls next-year-in-jerusalem authorsspeaking positivepsychologyforwomen

Latest Books: The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything), Next Year in Jerusalem: Romance, Mystery & Spiritual Awakening

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Location: Long Branch, NJ

Credentials: EdD

Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions

Website: http://www.enchantedself.com/

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