How To Use Forgiveness To Have Better Sex


How To Use Forgiveness To Have Better Sex
Forgiving your partner and losing resentment is a key step towards better sex.

Passion is at least 50 percent of a relationship, but as time passes, unfortunately, passion is the first thing that diminishes. Quite often, couples become friends, which is great, but where is the passion? It's gone! And the reason it's gone is because you don't continue to do the things you did when you were first dating. You take each other for granted.

Passion is essential in our lives. Not only in sex, but in everything we do. When it diminishes we feel uninspired, bored, unmotivated and flat. Nothing hurts our sex lives more than the lack of passion.


To help, I'm going to share with you a few exercises designed to ignite passion and get you connected with your inspiration for love. Both you and your partner are going to have the most fun you've ever had doing homework, which is why I call it Love-Work.

Step One: Forgiveness
Before you can rekindle passion or ignite passion, you must make sure that there are no harbored resentments towards each other. One of the most important things to do in the process of drawing together and becoming intimate is learning to forgive. Visualize your love healing your partner's wounds and your partner's loving energy healing you. To help initiate the forgiveness process, we are going to do a letter writing exercise.

Step Two: Write A Letter
Each individual should write down his/her resentment(s) in a letter to h/h partner describing how h/h feelings have been affected. Resentments seemingly protect the hurting heart until we are ready to experience the power of letting them go in favor of emotional freedom. Once we re-experience our old wounds to the point of boredom, forgiveness becomes a welcome relief. Writing these letters is the process of taking out the emotional trash in our lives and allows us to release pent-up pain and negativism on the way to forgiveness. You are forgiving yourselves for allowing these things to happen and forgiving each other for the behavior inflicted upon you. Long Live Love Letters!

Step Three: Forgive Yourself And Your Partner
Now that you have released these feelings on paper, share them with your partner, then tear up the letter! Never talk about these things again. Don't revisit them or dredge them up. Let them go! You won't lose control by forgiving. Your relationship will become more manageable by working things out. Love is strength; fear is weakness. Forgiving is a very bold act of love and a show of confidence in yourself. Love is real power that can be everlasting.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.

Right now, I want you to:

Start the process of uncovering any hidden resentments towards your partner. Complete both parts of the exercise and enjoy the atmosphere that forgiveness creates.

Within 7 days I want you to:

Create your wish lists and share them.

By the end of the challenge I want you to:

Explore your erogenous zones, separately and together.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ava Cadell


Live to Love ~Dr. Ava Cadell

Personal Website:

Founder of Lovelogy University:

My blog: htto://

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Sex Therapy
Other Articles/News by Ava Cadell:

Is Porn Actually Good For Your Relationship?


[Editor's note: In addition to being a YourTango Expert, Dr. Ava Cadell is the leading love and sex therapist to Hollywood's biggest stars. Earlier this year, she joined the cast of Bravo's hit show 'LA Shrinks,' which follows high-end relationship experts.] It may not be a popular opinion, but I believe porn can be used for therapeutic ... Read more

Loveology University offers CEUs


Loveology University is proud to be a California Continuing Education Provider for the Board of Behavioral Sciences and the Board of Registered Nurses by affiliation with Dr. Ava Cadell. All of LU's courses offer credits for therapists and counselors who are members of the CA BBS and nurses who are members of the CA BRN that require annual continuing ... Read more

10 Signs You Are Ready for Sex


Sex is a choice, which means that you can say, “NO”, “Not Now”, “Later” or “Yes”, but when in doubt, do not have sex until you feel confident about the 10 signs that you are ready, willing and able to have sex. 1. When you know the reason why you want to have sex 2. When you understand your body 3. When you can control your emotions 4. When you can ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular