3 Levels of Communication

By

What communication is:

Communication is the real, honest-to-goodness relating that leads to genuine intimacy and a healthy bond between two people.  And, good communication leads to good sex that will only get better as a couple get to know each other more deeply. Communication is probably the most important aspect of any relationship, mainly because we are forever learning new things about it and new ways to do it.  Thus, communication is an ongoing creative process that deserves our rapt attention.  Webster's general meaning lets us know that communication is what hooks us up with each other.  Webster's dictionary says communication means "to share in or participate." 

So you see, if we don't communicate, we don't get our share and we can't give our best. Isn't it great that communication isn't confined to just words though?  That makes it so much more fun to explore this subject, especially when you want to have a new adventure with your partner, erotic or otherwise.  Communication is reflected in our voice tone, body movements, our speech patterns.  Communication is even conveyed by what we don't say sometimes.

Communication can be subtle too; you don't always have to be hit over the head with an anvil to get the point.  A partner's raised eyebrow may be sufficient to indicate a whole range of meanings, such as surprise, contempt, glee, superiority, or annoyance. Communication is easy in some of our relationships, difficult in others.  We have all known people who are "easy to talk to," and we all know people who are "hard to reach."  Maybe we communicate differently with these different folks. 

For instance, when I'm with an easy-to-talk-to person, I feel comfortable and tend to open up more.  And when I am talking with someone who has to be pried open like a clam, I may feel frustrated and challenged.  Some human beings have to work very hard at self- expression while others seem to have a natural gift-of-gab.  With this variety of humanity, communication can become a healthy adventure and help us open our locked-up desires.

Relationships that grow, evolve, and are the most emotionally and sexually fulfilling all have this secret ingredient binding them together.  Why is communication like a secret ingredient?  Because it involves opening up all our five senses, and then some.  To utilize this secret ingredient, we must be open to what information our senses are conveying and then translate that input into words.  There's the key word: Openness! Remember the magic words Ali Baba used in the Arabian Nights to open the door of the robbers' den so he could get to the treasures inside?  "Open sesame."  That fairy-tale term has become a modern buzzword for "gaining admission;" it is a secret password.  Ali Baba knew the secret of communication: be willing to use the password; be willing to "open."  Ali Baba didn't know all that he would find behind that door.  He didn't even know for sure if the password would work.  But he was open.  He might just as easily have said, "This is too scary," and walked away.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ava Cadell

Counselor/Therapist

Live to Love ~Dr. Ava Cadell

Personal Website: http://www.AvaCadell.com

Founder of Lovelogy University: http://www.LoveologyUniversity.com

My blog: htto://www.DrAvaBlog.com

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Sex Therapy
Other Articles/News by Ava Cadell:

Is Porn Actually Good For Your Relationship?

By

[Editor's note: In addition to being a YourTango Expert, Dr. Ava Cadell is the leading love and sex therapist to Hollywood's biggest stars. Earlier this year, she joined the cast of Bravo's hit show 'LA Shrinks,' which follows high-end relationship experts.] It may not be a popular opinion, but I believe porn can be used for therapeutic ... Read more

Loveology University offers CEUs

By

Loveology University is proud to be a California Continuing Education Provider for the Board of Behavioral Sciences and the Board of Registered Nurses by affiliation with Dr. Ava Cadell. All of LU's courses offer credits for therapists and counselors who are members of the CA BBS and nurses who are members of the CA BRN that require annual continuing ... Read more

How To Use Forgiveness To Have Better Sex

By

Passion is at least 50 percent of a relationship, but as time passes, unfortunately, passion is the first thing that diminishes. Quite often, couples become friends, which is great, but where is the passion? It's gone! And the reason it's gone is because you don't continue to do the things you did when you were first dating. You take each other for ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS