Why Couples Fight About Stupid Stuff


Why Couples Fight About Stupid Stuff

My husband and I used to get into a daily fight over the bathroom counter. He wanted it completely free of clutter. More specifically, he only wanted three things on the counter—his hand soap, his toothbrush, and his razor. He wanted everything else in a drawer, cabinet, or closet.

Now, I’m not his opposite, mind you. I’m the person who usually keeps our house straight and orderly. I’m the one who compulsively picks up toys and puts them away. I’m the one who can’t stand dishes piled up in the sink. I’m the one who occasionally makes our bed. It’s not as if I wanted stuff all over the bathroom counter either. I don’t even have a lot of bathroom objects to begin with. I wear makeup rarely. I don’t use a hair dryer. I’m not into perfume, scented creams, or candles.


I only wanted two objects on the counter: my toothbrush and my facial cleanser.


Sounds easy enough, right? Oh, so wrong. Every morning I’d wake, walk to the bathroom, and groggily look around for my toothbrush and cleanser. I’d look all over the counter. I’d close my eyes and open them again.

“I must be blind,” I’d mutter. “They were right there. There. Right there.”

After much searching, I’d eventually find them stashed in one drawer or another—where my husband had put them. When I confronted him about it, he insisted that my stuff took up too much space. When I pointed out that his stuff got to stay on the counter, he said he needed it. I told him I needed my stuff too. We would go around and around the topic, never getting anywhere. Each morning, I’d start a search and rescue mission for my soap and toothbrush.

One day, exasperated, I complied. I took everything off the counter – all toothbrushes, all soaps, his razor, everything—and put it in a drawer. I did this every morning. I don’t think he liked it. He never mentioned it, but I’m 99 percent sure he didn’t like it. I know this because one morning I woke and found my toothbrush and cleanser on the counter. They were there the next morning too, and the morning after that.

Truce. Only problem? We started fighting about the correct way to fold the laundry instead.


I used to think we were the only couple who fought about stupid stuff. Then I started talking and blogging about our marital issues. I heard from others.

Couples fight about what side of the bed to sleep on, the classic toilet seat battle (up vs. down), even the toilet paper roll (over the top vs. underneath). It goes on and on. But why?

Jane Straus, a life coach and author of Enough is Enough!, had this to say:

“These struggles are rarely about the issues and are almost always about people using issues such as the position of the toilet seat as evidence of whether or not they are loved. Marriages can be ruined by a partner not squeezing the toothpaste in the right spot because of the loved vs.

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