I get a lot of emails from my readers about their relationship problems, and there's always a pattern. It seems that many women make the same mistakes over and over — regardless of the stage of their relationships. In order to help them and you correct these mistakes, I've identified the 10 major mistakes that most women make in love. If you put effort into understanding why these slip-ups happen and working to correct them, I promise your relationship will change for the better.
Let's get to it.
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1. You Act Jealous/Insane When He Looks At Or Talks To Other Women
As a man, I can confidently say that it's in our nature to look. If you just act jealous and flip out when we do, it make us think that you're insecure. Being insecure is a very big turn off for us guys. If you find that you're constantly jealous when he's around other women you need to reevaluate some issues in this relationship. First, work on building up your self-esteem. No man should want to cheat on a woman that's confident and secure about herself. Second, you need to evaluate the trust issues entrenched in your partnership: do you trust him or not?
And finally, you need to see if he is trying to make you jealous on purpose (or if he is actually trying to cheat). With all honesty, if a man is trying to cheat, he will never try to do it in front of you (at least no smart man will!). With that being said, if he's talking to a woman in front of you, know that he's probably just talking.
Jealousy is an unnecessary strain that people put on their minds. If a man wants to cheat, he will cheat regardless whether you're jealous or not. Acting jealous will only destroy a relationship, so what's the point of wasting precious energy on something like insecure emotions when you could be doing a lot more productive things in that time? Believe in yourself and believe that you are deserving of fidelity from him. If he does cheat, know that he's the one losing out. If any guy cheats on you, you've actually received a gift: you discovered that your relationship was doomed to fail anyway. The first thing on your mind should be, "Thank god this happened now!"
2. You're Not Giving Him His Space
If a man is in a bad mood or does not feel like talking, it's typically best to leave him alone. Men and women process emotions differently, and because of that they often do not like to talk about their issues in the same way. They would much rather hold it in and sort it out internally. Trying to get him to open up when he just wants to deal with his issues could backfire — and you could have some serious fights break out.
3. You're Letting Yourself Go
I would say this is the number one reason men leave a relationship and also why many men feel inclined to cheat within a relationship. It's just a shame to see the incredible amount of women who think that once they're in a relationship it's OK to let go and stop putting pride into their appearance. If anything, these women should feel more motivated to look sexy and attractive for their man; that will keep the sexual energy buzzing. If you were ever in a relationship and felt like your sex life died, this is probably the reason.
4. You're Having No Life Outside The Relationship
Do your best to not become one of "those" women who focuses her entire life on the relationship. Don't forget your best friends or remember them only when there are problems in your romantic relationship. This not only suffocates your partner, but it also makes you look needy — another major turn off for any man.
5. You're Being Passive-Aggressive
So many women are great at being passive-aggressive. It drives men crazy! If he asks you what's wrong and you tell him nothing but then mope around, waiting for him to press you further, you'll just cause anger and resentment to build up. He will be sympathetic for a while, but if you constantly act this way, he'll just stop caring. That's where the fights start to happen. All of this can be avoided if you're just straightforward with him whenever you have an issue.
6. You're Nagging Him
Nobody is perfect, and that includes the guy you're dating. Constantly telling him what he's not doing right is never a good way to let a man know that there's something he could be doing differently. If you actually want to see a change, tell him that, "I just love it when you do X."
7. You're Not Appreciating Him For What He Does
Again, try to stop looking at the things he isn't doing and try to focus more on what he is doing. Acknowledge and appreciate him for the good that he does. The more appreciation he receives from you, the more he'll try to please you. It's win-win!
8. You've Got Grouchy Girlfriend Syndrome
This is probably the biggest turn off in my relationships. I'm a positive person and just hate it when the person next to me is being grouchy, bitter or whiny. As men, we understand that you are have bad days, but seriously? Not every day. Believe me: nobody wants to hang around a negative person, so try to see the good in your life and your relationship. This mentality will not only help you in your relationships but it will also help your life in the long run. While on this subject, the only thing worse than being grouchy 24/7 is blaming your guy for your behavior. This is worse than acting negative all the time.
9. You're Trying To Change Him
Many women enter a relationship seeing a guy's flaws, but believing that eventually they'll be able to change him. That mentality is just wrong — in addition to being the reason why those relationships eventually fail. When you start a relationship, you need to take that person for exactly who he is, not who you want him to be. He should do the same for you.
With regards to minor things like, say, wearing the wrong shoes, you can be gentle and encouraging. There's no need to criticize him or make him feel stupid. Say it in a way that will make him feel good and inspired to change on his own. "You look really sexy in that outfit but I think you'd look even sexier with those other shoes," will make him value your opinion; not dread hearing it.
10. You're Not Loving Him In the Way That He Feels Love
Every single person feels love differently. Many women feel loved when their partner is supportive or when he brings her a bouquet of flowers. These gestures might mean nothing to a man. Guys have their own way of feeling loved and that way is often, very different from the way you feel love. If you just give him the kind of love you hope to receive, he will almost never feel appreciated.
Pay attention to how he responds to various things in order to work out what makes him feel truly loved. Once you know what they are, keep doing them as often as you can. To give you some examples: personally, I like to be kissed and hugged a lot, while other guys would like a hot meal at the end of the day (which I love too). Others might prefer a cup of tea, a massage, sex or even just sticking with him through the hard times. Whatever it is, you need to find it and replicate it as often as you can.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your love life's success, visit TheSingleWomanGuide.com – a place where the conventional dating mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting, attracting and keeping a quality man in your life.
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