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Cheaters can't hide these tells ... if you know what to look for.
By Abby Rodman — Written on Jun 16, 2020
Discovering a partner's infidelity is easier than ever before in history. Via text messages, emails and online credit card statements, a careless cheating spouse is likely to leave an electronic trail detailing their affair that's over a gigabyte long.
If you can get your hands on such physical signs and evidence that your husband or wife is cheating, that type of digital proof is the best way to bust a cheater for sure. Unfortunately, it's not always so simple.
While most people know the typical telltale signs of cheating — weight loss, new music or food interests, and large, uncharacteristic purchases of things like a new wardrobe — if you want to know how to tell if your wife (or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, of course) is cheating, there are more subtle signs you should be aware of and look for.
If your infidelity radar is on high-alert and your partner's behavior feels off, here are 13 not-so-obvious signs he or she is cheating that many men and women overlook.
13 Subtle Signs Your Wife or Husband is Cheating
1. They carefully track their time.
Optimizing precious moments with a lover is a balancing act, so she's counting the minutes.
"It won't raise any red flags if I'm home by 6:00 pm on the dot," she rationalizes. Or, "If I call every day at noon, he won't get suspicious."
She's drawing timelines in the sand, and being uncharacteristically prompt or oddly ritualized with her schedule may be one way she does that.
2. They've started using new lingo.
A friend of mine's suspicions grew when he heard his wife irritably yell, "Good Christ!" — an expression neither one of them had ever used, and one she typically would have found offensive.
If your husband or wife is spending enough time with their lover, they're sure to pick up some of their verbal expressions.
3. They've changed their typical routine.
Every evening — like clockwork — she comes home, has dinner and walks the dog. But suddenly, that ritual is being messed with.
She needs a shower as soon as she walks in the door. Or she pours herself a glass of wine when that's usually something she reserves for weekends only.
Something is quite possibly going on.
4. They've started to prefer driving alone.
Typically, you'd hop in the car together and be on your way. But recently, she finds a myriad of reasons to have a few minutes alone — and a need to take her own car to an event you'll both be attending.
"I have to stop at Sephora, and I don't want to bore you!" she says, time and again.
Mhmm...
5. They've been acting more wild and carefree.
"Let's go out and get wasted tonight," she atypically and enthusiastically suggests, and you know she hasn't said anything like that since she was pledging a fraternity.
Having an affair, it's no secret, can make people feel young and impulsive again, and that can spill over into other behaviors.
6. They're suddenly strutting their stuff... for you.
What's this? A little something from Vicky's Secret just for you? Funny, she's always claimed she thought lingerie was a waste of money.
Her affair has reawakened her libido and, ironically, she'd like it to do the same for you.
7. They think you're clearly up to no good.
You smile at the waitress and she goes off. She knows you're a friendly sort and she always loved that about you, but recently, that innocent cordiality seems to antagonize her in ways it never did.
Now that she's having an affair, she knows it's not so far-fetched to think that you might, too.
8. They've started checking out other men or women in front of you.
There's no harm in looking, right?
"Did you see our cute neighbor checking out your butt?" she asks with a big smile. "That flight attendant is really your type!" she teases, leaving you wondering what happened to her jealous streak.
No mystery. She's on an affair-fueled, guilt-mitigating mission to casually justify her own extramarital attraction.
9. They say it's no big deal when they hear of someone having an affair.
You sadly report the news that your best friend's husband is cheating. Instead of sharing your dismay, he becomes defensive.
"Well, he hasn't been happy in that marriage," or "People have affairs. That's life."
Condemning others would mean condemning herself, and she's not about to go there.
10. They refuse to watch movies or shows that involve stories of infidelity.
Want to cuddle up and watch movies like Fatal Attraction, Derailed, or The Affair? Forget it. Plot lines that would have formerly piqued her interest now make her visibly uncomfortable.
If there's an affair involved, you won't be watching it together.
11. They're constantly nervous or on edge.
Many folks experience atypical bouts of depression and anxiety as the guilt of the affair and the stress of keeping such a huge secret take a visible toll.
Symptoms may include insomnia, disinterest in eating or an unshakeable blue mood.
12. They've suddenly become an expert in a new topic.
"Did you know the U.S. has the highest dog population in the world?"
She starts spewing facts about things she's never shown interest in before. Heck, she never even liked dogs that much.
Could be she's absorbing her lover's interests and finding a way to talk about them without saying as much.
13. They are constantly at a loss for words.
The woman who always had an answer for everything now seems lost for words. Her brain is fried with the details of the lies she's told and excuses she's made.
When you innocently inquire about something simple, you can almost see the wheels turning in her head.
While she entertaining possible answers, you're on the receiving end of that strange, faraway look in her eyes you've been seeing all too often lately.
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Abby Rodman, LICSW, is a writer and a psychotherapist in private practice who has appeared on the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda, HuffPost Live, and is regularly sought out by print, broadcast and online media outlets for her expertise on relationship issues. You can find her book, Should You Marry Him? A No-Nonsense, Therapist-Tested Guide To Not Screwing Up the Biggest Decision of Your Life on Amazon.
This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.