Forget your Mr. Right fantasies, relationships are about something MUCH more important.
Being relationship-ready is nothing more than being willing to go for it.
And "going for it" means that you are truly willing to be in the foxhole with your partner. It means that you maintain a relationship where you are equals, that is collaborative, and where there is consistent attitude of fairness, justice, and sensitivity.
But you can't do that alone. Your partner must be on board with you completely in this matter. Otherwise it’s just the sound of one hand clapping.
1. What is the perfect relationship for you?
Forget the usual Mr. Right or Mrs. Right fantasies, or any similar idealized version of a person that exists in your head.
If you simply look for someone who is tall, or blonde, or has this feature or that feature that you think you need, you may end up with the person you like, but that does not prepare you to have a great relationship. You might as well be throwing darts at photos of people and choosing them randomly.
The wise thing to do when readying yourself for a relationship is to think about what the relationship must be. Not just for you, for the other person as well. Yes, the one you haven’t met yet.
That means that instead of making a "best features" list, make a list about what the relationship should be; not just for this time ... but for all time. For instance, once you are together, you might both agree that the relationship comes first above all other matters, if that is an important value to you.
Or let’s say you believe in putting the relationship first above all other matters, and you find someone who doesn’t agree. Would that be a deal-breaker for you? And if not, why not?
2. Are you being realistic about your deal-breakers?
All people are annoying and difficult and burdensome. That goes for you and me, too.
But that doesn't have to be a problem. The truth is, in a love relationship you are both supposed to accept each other as one another’s burdens. Otherwise you may ask yourself, why do it at all?
If you’re going into a relationship for good sex, passionate love, common interests, or physical appearance, prepare yourself for being disappointed, because nobody will meet all of those expectations all the time.
But if you are going into this with your eyes open and with a collaborative heart (and your partner is doing that, also) be prepared for a great relationship.
If you have a question about finding your soulmate or how to bring a relationship back from the brink of breakup, Dr. Stan Tatkin will be live on Thursday, April 28, 2 to 3 p.m. eastern/11-12 pacific for the #Wired4Dating #TwitterParty. Join us for free advice and support + a special giveaway.