If you're feeling down after Valentine's Day, or just got dumped, you're not alone.
Why does it always seem like it's breakup season?
Here's the deal. If love is a 365 day event, sadly so are breakups.
There's a feeling many singles get right after Valentine's Day and it's the equivalent of a post-partum depression that women get after giving birth to a child.
As one who once experienced a breakup right after Valentine's Day, it comes as no shock to me, when I stare at one of my favorite graphs, the Facebook Breakup Chart.
This famous Facebook breakup chart, tallied the number of relationship changes to "single" throughout the year. They found there's a bump the day before Valentine's and a bump the day after, as breaking up on Valentine's Day would be a cruel thing to do with someone you've been dating.
What happens after Valentine's Day, is there's a steady rise in breakups straight through Spring Break. The week after the biggest love day of the year, many re-evaluate their relationship status, similar to what happens around New Year's Day. This phase happens twice a year and it’s going on right now. If you can make it past Spring Break, chances are your relationship will last for at least another eight months.
I believe there's a reason Spring Fever sounds like an illness and that breaking up on April Fool's is not a joke. It's on par with a Valentine's breakup.
Here are some of the feelings you might be having right now
1. Valentine's was a disappointment because you were alone.
2. Valentine's was a disappointment because you're in a dead-end relationship.
3. Valentine's was so great, but the fantasy didn't match the reality of where your relationship is or isn't going.
4. You stayed home and ignored the red hearts and flowers.
5. You bawled your eyes out watching a romantic comedy, while your ex was on the town with his new girl.
All of these scenarios are real. As a dating coach, I've had to hold hands with many singles and couples struggling with their relationship status since Valentine's Day and I know the road is going to be rocky for the next two months.
Whether your relationship was sliding downward for a while, or the ending came as a complete shock, you're bound to be feeling sad or down right now if you find yourself in this situation.
Relationships go through peaks and valleys, or seasons and years.
Most couples love new beginnings and take the time to fall in love with each other all over again, whether from traveling to new places, or going down memory lane to where they once met. The other option is calling it quits because someone thinks the grass could be greener, which usually isn’t the case, and they often find it’s temporary.
When your expectations for Valentine’s Day, or any major holiday for that matter are high, it can cause a bump on the road or a full on collision. If you’re single, had a disappointing Valentine’s Day, or are in the middle of a breakup or divorce, you might be suffering from this common feeling. You may wake up sad in the morning, feel hopeless, and never get the closure you need to move on in a healthy way. It's a funk and it feels awful.
Here's How to Fix The Post-Valentine's Blues
If you can relate to this, I urge you to communicate with your partner before jumping to wrong conclusions and losing what you’ve built, forever.
Bernadette Smith listed seven things to do if you're feeling down after Valentine's Day on the Wellness Universe blog. She included asking someone to hold your box of chocolates in the line at the supermarket, then leave, thus giving them a chocolate gift from the heart. She also suggested sending yourself a “sweetheart card” and mailing it to yourself as something you’d like to receive from someone who loves you. Basically, you should do things that make yourself and others feel good. I found her tips empowering and heartwarming.
Grab a bunch of girlfriends and go to the movies or a painting class and realize most challenges in relationships are the issues your partner, or ex-partner is dealing with on their own and have nothing to do with how great you are. Being on the top of the totem pole and a priority in life and love, which includes friendships as well, are key to a successful relationship. Smile at a stranger, buy a bouquet of flowers and hand them to someone you don't even know while on a walk. Say thank you as often as you can.
The main takeaway from the post is the importance of gratitude.
Every night before I go to sleep, I say out loud, the five people I am grateful for. This helps me sleep better at night with a smile on my face. I also have a wish pillow, where I have a handwritten note in it, describing the type of love I want in my life. I have manifested love and the so-called perfect guy, by visualizing how he looked and he magically appeared. On the road map to love, I’ve been through most of the phases, which helps me be a better dating coach to you and to singles starting over, or who are looking for love online and finding it difficult in the crowded digital playground.
We are at a time where love is being replaced by fear and we don’t have to accept that. I encourage and challenge all of you to bring back love to the top of your list, starting with that lipstick on the mirror that says, “I love you.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
If you need a little hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find love. We have helped so many singles through our coaching programs and want to give you hope and the tools to start over again. Your next great relationship just might be a click or swipe away.