Woman Praised For Requesting Her Own Room To 'Be Alone' While Moving In With Fiancé — He Wants To 'Share Everything'
She deserves her own room.
Mikhail Nilov / Pexels via CanvaPro Moving in together is a big step in a relationship and can introduce many problems where none existed before — for one woman on Reddit, her alone time seemed to be threatened.
For the first time in her life, the woman thought she'd finally get a chance to have her own room. Her partner, however, had a different idea so she went to the “r/AmItheA--hole” (AITA) subreddit to figure out if she was wrong for asking for her own bedroom when they were moving in together.
She believes it’s fair for her to have her own bedroom to ‘be alone.’
The couple is moving into a 3-bedroom home in a couple of months, and she explained her circumstances and how she had never felt what it was like to have a room to herself.
“I always felt the need to share and felt guilty when I wanted to be alone in my room but couldn't since someone else was there,” she writes. “The only time I had a room all to myself was when my roommate or sibling was away. Even so, I didn't feel like I truly had a room to myself.”
Seeing as they would soon be moving into a 3-bedroom home, she saw this as a perfect opportunity to finally get what she wanted — a room for herself.
“When discussing the use of one of the spare rooms in our soon-to-be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself when I want to be alone,” she writes.
“My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for an at-home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs to work from home.”
This would mean that he gets his way with both rooms, and she wasn’t happy about that because she believes she deserves one of the rooms to do with whatever she wants. Of course, this quickly devolved into an argument seeing as having her own room was something that meant a lot to her. Not only that, but it was unfair of her husband to lay claim to all of the rooms in the house.
“I told him that I was looking forward to having a space all to myself, where I can be alone when I want, and am the only person that has access to [it],” she explains. “He argued that the point of moving in together was to share everything with each other and not just coexist in the same space.”
He explains that he is willing to compromise on the home gym and turn it into a guest bedroom for both of them to use instead, but she is adamant about having her own room. She emphasizes that they would be splitting costs 50/50, so it’s only fair.
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Reddit was on her side and told her she deserved a room to herself.
The top comment had a lot to say and summed it up pretty perfectly.
“[Not the A--hole] — if you are moving into a 3 bedroom house, and you both share one bedroom to sleep in, and [you] are sharing expenses equally — your fiancé can not FAIRLY claim both other rooms for himself (gym and office),” they wrote.
Other commenters largely agreed and, luckily for the woman who penned the post, studies and experts seem to back her up.
In 2022, Janet Whitney, a licensed marriage & family therapist, told us that protecting your need for personal space is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship.
"In this hectic world, we all need breathing room to keep a connection to our own heart and soul. The boundary of space allows us to continue to feel connected to our personal feelings, beliefs and goals," Whitney stated.
While this Reddit user doesn't intend to sleep separately from her partner at all times, a National Sleep Foundation survey found that 25% of US couples do choose to sleep in separate beds.
According to a Naturepedic study, sleeping separately can improve sleep quality and reduce stress but couple who sleep together tend to have healthier sex lives and happier relationships.
Whitney says that strong couples need to communicate their need for space in a healthy way.
"The need for personal space is an individual preference and communicating openly to your partner can help each of you find and honor whatever space is needed. The time together can feel so much more intimate when we take time for ourselves," she explained.
For this woman on Reddit, this isn’t just about a room here, there appears to be more at stake for the future of her relationship with her fiancé, and hopefully, she figures it all out before they end up actually moving in together.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.