Woman Films A 'Get Ready With Me' For Her Boyfriend's Funeral — 'I'm In My Anger Phase Of Grief'
"I've been so quick to anger and it's exhausting, I literally just want to light everything on fire."
@pgally / TikTok A woman has candidly opened up about how her grief has manifested itself following the death of her boyfriend.
In a TikTok video, a content creator named Paige Gallagher sparked an interesting conversation around the universal yet lonely feeling of grief, explaining that she is trying her hardest to process the death of someone she considered to be her best friend in this life.
She admitted she's in her 'angry' phase of grief while getting ready for her boyfriend's funeral.
"Hi. Get ready with me for my boyfriend's funeral, and I know what you might be thinking — why are you making this video? Guess what? I don't know," Gallagher began in her video while putting on makeup.
She explained that toward the end of her boyfriend's life, their relationship was extremely complicated, and while she acknowledged that the term "boyfriend" might not be applicable, he was still the love of her life and her best friend despite what challenges they may have faced before his death.
She pointed out that since losing him a few weeks ago, she's felt this deep sense of absence in her life, but most of all, she just feels angry.
"I'm in my anger phase, clearly, of grief and it is overwhelming. I've been so quick to anger and it's exhausting, I literally just want to light everything on fire," Gallagher admitted. Getting ahead of the negative comments, she acknowledged that it just felt wrong to not make this type of video and express how she's been feeling, and agreed that she isn't doing well at all.
"For those of you who have experienced loss and just keep going on with your life, I will never be able to relate to that kind of strength," she continued. "I'm losing my mind. [I'm] so mad at him, he was my best friend. You think I can just find another best friend?"
Gallagher made sure to clarify that she knows his death isn't about her in the slightest, but that it is affecting her and has completely changed her entire life. "I don't know if anyone who experienced loss can relate to this, but it feels almost like I'm playing some sort of VR game. Nothing feels real or tangible."
Gallagher's experience with grief, including feeling anger, is something that is part of dealing with losing someone you've loved.
In multiple parts of her video, Gallagher seemingly feels as if having anger toward her boyfriend after his death is something that she may be alone in, but, in fact, it's not. When it comes to grieving, there are five stages, according to Marie Curie — denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance.
While grief may be a universal experience, it can often feel lonely at times; however, it's not a singular emotion but a complex and multifaceted experience that can include feeling sad, guilty, mad, and even confused about the loss of a loved one.
"Anger is your body’s natural reaction to threat. The threat can be real or perceived. Someone died, so there’s nothing more threatening," Dr. Andy Davis, a Board Certified Clinical Psychologist, wrote for YourTango. "While experiencing the five stages of grief, you are not yourself and you are going to misperceive a lot. There's nothing wrong with being angry. You lost someone precious; your indignation is righteous."
There is no "right" way to grieve, and while Gallagher admitted that she doesn't understand how people who have experienced loss can just go on with their lives, it's crucial to note that it won't happen overnight, and there will never be a day when the pain of losing someone you've loved doesn't ache.
However, the wounds do heal over time, and there will be a day when thinking about that person you've lost won't feel as visceral as it used to.
The pain may never vanish, but it will evolve, and those memories that hurt to think about now will one day bring happiness and joy at being able to remember the life that person lived and the relationship you had with them.
Gallagher's honest vulnerability and glimpse into how she's coping with the death of her boyfriend serves as a poignant reminder that while grief may feel like a lonely road, it's actually a connection that we can all find similarity in. There is no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to something like this, and that is more than okay.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.