Photo: weheartit
Talk about friendly skies.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Nov 08, 2017
I'm not a great traveler. Don't get me wrong. I love going getting out of Brooklyn (in fact, in the 10-plus years I've lived here I haven't done it nearly enough) and heading off to different places to meet new people and explore new things. But, of course, there's no place quite like home... and goes double when home is the place where you happen to keep your arsenal of sex toys.
I know I may be a little different than some of you in that, because I write about sex for a living, rather than having a discreet stash of vibrators in a decorative box or drawer, I have an embarrassment of devices hidden in various nooks and crannies all over my room. Hell, some of them aren't even so hidden. Dildos go in the dresser. Cock rings stay closed up in shoe books. The Magic Wand dangles artfully by its somewhat utilitarian cord over the bedpost.
If there is a device out there that was designed to help women orgasm, I've got it — and it sits somewhere in my apartment, waiting to be put into good service.
It's all dandy to keep your toys strewn everywhere when you're safe within the walls of your private freak manse, but it's not quite as dandy when you're about to jet off somewhere wonderful and the time comes to pack up your belongings. I recently left the good old US of A to visit some family of mine in England, and as the seasoned traveler I hope to be one day, I made sure to pack only the essentials: toiletries, converters, good shoes for walking... but when it came to deciding which of my sexy-time goodies to bring, I found myself at a bit of a loss.
Don't get me wrong, I don't care who knows that I masturbate, but I'd rather not have to spend time pulled off to the side of the security line as I try to explain my strange squishy Japanese vibrator to a TSA agent. In my opinion, vibrators for travel should either be totally obvious, thus keeping you from any awkward conversations or totally discreet, for exactly the same reason, so none of these in-between modern art-type toys will work in this scenario.
Sorry, Lelo, I love you, but bringing along one of your creations is like traveling with a sculpture by Henry Moore.
To that end, I've collected this posse of the seven best discreet sex toys to travel with.
They won't take up too much room. They won't be too loud. And while I can't guarantee you that no one from airport security will decide to fondle them with their gloved hands, I feel reasonably sure that they won't try talking to you about them.
1. Womanizer 2GO USB Rechargeable Lipstick Clitoral Stimulator
The Womanizer is, for my money, the best vibrator around, and if you travel all the time there is no reason not to get your hands on their newest addition to the line: the travel vibrator. It's easy to charge (comes with a USB port, son), whisper quiet, and still has the same six super hot settings that are guaranteed to keep you smiling no matter how jet-lagged you may be.
2. Tingletip Electric Toothbrush Clitoral Vibrator
For years women have been trying to use anything and everything to get themselves off in a pinch, and electric toothbrushes have always been on that list. This universal toothbrush tip transforms your regular toothbrush from a stabby deathtrap into a delicious giver of orgasms that also helps prevent gingivitis.
It's also ridiculously cheap.
3. Nokia 3310 S
This isn't an incognito vibrator, this is literally an old cellphone. The Nokia 3310 S might not be considered cutting edge when it comes to cellphone technology, but when you want to get off fast its vibrations can get the job done. Seriously! There have been studies and everything.
Plus, afterward, you can unwind with a game of Snake.
4. Sqweel Go USB Rechargeable Oral Sex Simulator
This might look like a kid-friendly portable fan, but the Sqweel Go is actually a fantastic toy for women that is designed to simulate the feeling of receiving oral sex. It's quiet, delicious, and TSA agents won't look at it twice... unless they've got one themselves, in which case they'll probably just give you a thumbs up.
5. I Rub My Duckie (Travel Size Duck) Massager Vibrator
Sure, it might seem weird to someone at the airport that you like to travel with a tiny rubber ducky, but whatever, at least it's less weird than a double-ended dildo designed to look like it's attached to a dragon. This little guy is waterproof, cute as heck, and easy to hold. Plus, if you need to sneak away and take care of business quickly in the bathroom, he'll be with you every step of the way.
Unless that's weird. Did I make it weird?
6. Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator
Bullet vibes may be basic, but when did being basic start getting such a raw deal? Tuck this sucker into your cosmetics bag and the guys at airport security will totally think it's some new trend in skin care, like a pore massager or something. You can laugh at them while you thoroughly enjoy yourself, thanks to this tiny sucker who just needs 1 AAA battery. GET YOU THIS VIBE.
7. LoveCrave Droplet Necklace
This is one of my favorite pieces of jewelry. This is also one of my favorite vibrators. These suckers (by which I mean the Droplet necklace by LoveCrave) are so good and so discreet you could actually wear them TO the airport, just be sure to take 'em off before you go through the metal detectors.
Designed as "foreplay" jewelry, these vibrating bullets were made to tease your nipples, and that they do. Bonus: they have also been known to tease other parts of women's bodies with great success.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.