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That's a ton of crap (pun intended).
By Emily Blackwood — Written on May 02, 2020
This is not a joke or a "Bob's Burgers" reference: there was a Mad Pooper loose in Colorado Springs in 2017.
Okay, okay, I'm done.
According to police, there was a mysterious female jogger who's been running around a neighborhood and taking a number two in people's front lawns.
One of her victims, Cathy Budde, said the Mad Pooper has used the grounds of her home as her own bathroom at least once a week since the beginning of August.
She wouldn't have noticed the routine poos if her children hadn't caught her in the act.
"[My kids said], 'There's a lady taking a poop,'" Budde said. "So I come outside, and I'm like... 'Are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?' She's like, 'Yeah, sorry!'"
The woman ran off after being spotted by Budde and her children and hasn't stopped defecating since, despite reports from local residents that there are public restrooms nearby.
She's even been seen squatting behind a Walgreens even though there are toilets inside the store.
But she's not totally rude though.
She brings her own toilet paper every time, making the poops premeditated.
"I put a sign on the wall that's like, Please, I'm begging you, please stop," Budde said. "She ran by it like 15 times yesterday and she still pooped."
Residents whose homes have become regular dumping sites for the Mad Pooper have tried to learn her running schedule and stop her, but have failed.
"Two other times we've caught her... [But] she changed up her time a little bit because she knew I was watching."
Ew.
Budde turned over footage of the Mad Pooper to police but they're having trouble locating her.
"It's abnormal, it's not something I've seen in my career," Colorado Springs police sergeant Johnathan Sharketti said. "It's uncharted territory for me."
Well, isn't that an understatement.
Emily Blackwood is an editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships and everything in between.
Editor's Note: This article was originally posted on September 21, 2017 and was updated with the latest information.