Because whomp whomp.
Ah, April Fools' Day. The one day of the year I make a concerted effort to stay under my covers and avoid people at all cost.
Who am I kidding? That's every day of the year.
But April Fools' Day is particularly difficult when you already have trust issues. Whenever someone posts a somewhat controversial Facebook status, I'm the first one handing out the side-eye of doubt.
And on April 1st, all posts must immediately be deemed suspicious.
One year, not too long ago, my friend shared the news that she was pregnant on Facebook. Everyone and their mother jumped in to congratulate her and just as I was about to comment, I realized the date. April 1.
Then I remembered that this woman hates children, so obviously 2+2=4= NOT TRUE!
So enough with the fake pregnancy news this year, OK?
Then there are the pranks. Fun, right? WRONG!
I'm not really a Grinch and I do enjoy a good joke, but when it comes to making a fool out of someone, it's just not cool. And if you're over the age of 13, it's even less cool.
Got that Frank from accounting? No more hiding staplers in my jello!
Yes, April Fools' Day is meant to be a time to have fun, but keep in mind that people do have feelings.
Even anti-social introverts like myself. And sometimes, these pranks or jokes or even hoaxes (FAKE NEWS!) really can cause someone to lose their trust in you year-round — even if there is a whole freakin' holiday dedicated to them!
So here's my idea: Let's leave funny post-it notes on people's desks, send texts with jokes or emojis, and post funny memes, gifs and videos on our social media.
But let's cut the tricks and pranks. I'm too old for this crap, and you probably are too (#sorrynotsorry).
To get you started in that vein, enjoy these April Fools' Day memes that perfectly sum up how I know I sure feel about the day.
"Brace yourselves. The April Fools pranks are coming."
"Just a warning that on April Fool's Day my natural distrust of others will be ratcheted up to a level bordering on psychosis."
"Y'all too old to be talking bout 'April Fool's Day.' It's April 1st, hope y'all got that rent money."
"If tomorrow is April 1st does that mean that more people than usual will lie on the internet?"
"It's April Fool's Day. Trust nothing and nobody. Just like any other day."
"They pranked me on April Fool's Day. Who's the fool now?"
"No one can be trusted."
"April Fool's Day is the one day of the year that people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true."
"This will be my look for everything on April Fool's today."
"My only hope for April Fool's Day is that Trump announces this has all been a monumental prank."
"Let's rename April Fools' Day to, 'National Let's Pretend We're Pregnant On Facebook Day.'"
"Who needs April Fool's when your whole life is a joke?"
"Is it safe to come out yet?"
"April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust no one. Just like any other day."