Much like herpes, exes always come back.
I remember when my ex, Kahlo, had broken up with me. He was my everything, and I had expected that we’d end up being together forever. Out of all the guys I dated, I never expected to see boomerang back to me, especially considering that he was so much more popular than I was. I was devastated, I really was.
My friend Jon, though, seemed totally mellow about the entire ordeal. He looked at me while sipping his beer in his classic “you can’t be serious” look. No matter how much I vented, his expression didn’t change, and for some reason, that just got to me.
“Why are you so mellow?” I asked. “I just f*cking got dumped!”
Jon laughed, and said, “Dude, I don’t get why you’re sitting here crying into your beer like that. You know he’s going to come back, right? They always come back.”
I didn’t believe him. Yet, no more than 4 years later, he had tried to get back together with me... except this time, I rejected him. He seemed more crushed than I did after the breakup. Eventually, I realized what Jon meant when he said that “they always come back.”
Most men will try to come back to a girl after a breakup, even if it’s not immediate. And sadly, the reasons why they do aren’t always the most noble. Here are the most common reasons guys try to get back together with an ex.
1. The sex was good.
Most guys will not pass up good sex and they’ll often try to keep a “venue” open to sex with them if they can help it. This is why so many guys will weave a sob story about how they “miss the ex,” but that they “can’t really commit to anything again.” Make no mistake about it: most of the time, guys don’t miss their exes as much as they miss the sex.
2. He had a fall from grace.
This is actually what happened with me and Kahlo. Kahlo lost most of his hair and started looking like a creepy old man. Moreover, due to drama, he also lost a lot of friends who used to praise him and demonize me. Meanwhile, I got more muscular and have gotten more popular with his friends. When a guy sees that their ex is doing way better than they are, they often will try to get back with the ex as a way to regain some of the social standing they once had.
3. He thought you were going to go downhill, and then you bounced back after he dumped you.
This happened to me a number of times, and the funny thing about this is that most guys can’t even come up with a good excuse as to why they dumped you in the first place. It wasn’t that he was “in a bad place,” honey. It was that he was too selfish to actually stay by your side when you needed him. Needless to say, if he kicked you while you were down, he doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time.
4. He had you as a backup plan, and the new girl dumped him.
This reason is most common with cheaters as well as guys who ghost early on in the relationship. The most common reasons he’ll give for dumping you when he apologizes include “I was going through something” and “I didn’t know what I had.” He may also say he misses you. Don’t fall for it. You can do better than a guy who shelved you.
5. You’re doing well for yourself, and he’s broke.
This happened to my friend Katya with her ex Jose. Jose had dumped her because she was making a solid $11 an hour at a local car wash, said he didn’t want to be seen with a “poor girl,” and that he was worried that she was a gold digger. Jose ended up losing his $55,000-per-year job later that year.
Guess who came knocking at her door asking for a second chance? That’s right: Jose. And guess who sagely slammed the door in his face? That’s right: Katya. Money is a relationship influencer for both men and women, and male gold diggers are increasingly common these days.
6. He wants to control you.
A scary amount of guys get off on the idea of having a girl wrapped around their little finger, and if he comes back to you once you’re finally over him, it could be because he realized that he no longer has a hold on you. If you notice him regularly stringing you along, getting in the way of you dating others, or doing similar tactics, it’s a matter of control, not love, for this guy.
7. He doesn’t want to start over and he realized it a bit too late.
Dating is exhausting for most people, including men. Sadly, most guys out there have a “grass is greener” mentality until one fateful breakup... and then they want that girl back because they realized how much work is put into getting another girlfriend. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is never good for long-term relationships, so it’s best you keep walking.
8. You got hotter.
Did you lose 75 pounds after the breakup? As shallow as it is, guys will often try to get back together with an ex if that ex ends up looking super-hot later on. There’s a reason why Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body show has some truth to it, after all. However, that interest guys have to get to know “the new you” is never genuine. If it was, then the packaging wouldn’t have mattered.
9. He misses the perks of being in a relationship you.
Whether men want to admit it or not, being in a relationship does have perks. If he’s been single for a hot minute, then he may want to try to hit up exes in hopes he can get coupled up again, because he knows which girls treated him well. Though others may disagree with me, I believe that any guy worth a damn will know what he has when he has it and won’t require a breakup to realize he wants you.
10. You became a challenge.
Were you always underfoot when you two were together? If he sees that you no longer want him, he may start chasing you because he sees you as a challenge now. It’s sad, but it’s true. Some guys never learn!
11. He legit changed.
This reason he came back is actually the rarest of all, and it’s up there in rarity with unicorns and Bigfoot. Guys can change if they really want to, but most of the time they won’t. If he tells you this, it may be better not to believe him.
12. He wants an ego boost.
Fragile male egos are a thing, and sometimes, they’ll hit up a girl just because they want to know they’re still attractive. Is this fair to you? No, and it’s all the more reason why you shouldn’t forgive an ex. It's not your job to protect the feelings of a man who hurt you, and frankly, no one would really think ill of you to make a point of telling him he's not worth your time.
13. He regrets the way he treated you.
Some guys really don’t understand how awful they were to a girl until she leaves him. And when this happens, they are often filled with regret. However, going back to someone like this doesn’t ever really end well. After all, there’s no saying that he won’t fall into his old ways and take you for granted.