Without an emotional bond, there's no attraction.
Demisexuality might seem like a rare sexuality in the age of modern dating. In a time where apps like Tinder are increasingly considered the current form of romance, it can be hard for demisexuals to relate to this new world of relationships. But what even is demisexuality?
Demisexuals have to form an emotional bond with someone in order to feel sexual attraction.
However, feeling connected emotionally doesn't always guarantee that the sexual attraction will happen. Experiences are different for everyone and it could take months or even years to create that bond.
Demisexual is one of the more recent sexual orientation terms that many aren't too familiar with.
To better understand what its really like to identify as demisexual, here are some stories from people who know firsthand what it feels like.
1. You feel that people don't really understand you.
"It is so hard to explain to people that I don't feel arousal unless there is a very close bond (I'm demisexual) but am still a very sexual person."
2. You're afraid of what others may think.
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"I'm demisexual, but I'm scared people will judge me because I don't want to have sex with them straight away or have a one night stand."
3. Sometimes you wish you felt the same things as your friends did.
"I'm demisexual and it's a little frustrating. When I'm with my friends they'll say, "omg he's so hot" meanwhile I'm thinking, "I wonder if he has a good personality."
4. It makes love complicated.
"I hate being demisexual. Crushes are either extremely rare or they last for way too long. I wish I was normal."
5. It turns some people off.
"When men find out I'm demisexual, they usually stop talking to me."
6. It's SO difficult when it comes to dealing with relationships.
"I am demisexual and I feel like no one understands that I can't just give you a try and love you, I really can't."
7. First date sex is a definite NO.
"As a demisexual, if you ask for sex on the first date, you have no chance with me."
8. Dating is even harder than usual.
"I'm demisexual and an introvert, so casual dating isn't an option for me... I wish I could be like everyone else."
9. You sometimes can't help feeling envious of those who aren't demisexual.
"Sometimes being a demisexual sucks. I sometimes feel jealous of the people who just open their legs to anything that walks."
10. You keep hoping that you'll find someone who accepts you for EXACTLY who you are.
"Dating woes: being demisexual. Maybe one day I'll find a guy who understands and respects what I cannot change."
11. It can make your sexual relationships feel fake.
"I'm demisexual. All the people I've slept with I wasn't attracted to, they just got me aroused and I'm too shy to say no so I went with it."
12. You still want a long-term romance.
"Just because I'm demisexual doesn't mean I don't want a serious, loving relationship..."
13. It's upsetting when even your own friends don't understand.
"I'm demisexual. When I admitted that to someone I thought was my friend, they laughed in my face. I just want to be accepted for being me."
14. You sometimes felt that you have to hide who you really are for a relationship.
"I'm demisexual. Always have been, but when I was younger I felt bad for the guys so I would pretend I wasn't."
15. It can cause you to lose your enthusiasm for wanting a relationship.
"Being a demisexual female in a world where all guys seem to want is sex is really discouraging."
16. It's lonely.
"The problem with being demisexual is that I can't relate when people talk about stuff like dates with random people. I feel like I'm the odd one out and sometimes it feels like I'm the only one."
17. Your SO doesn't get it.
"I'm demisexual and I love sex with my boyfriend but I don't NEED it. He just doesn't seem to understand."
18. There's nothing like being able to accept and be proud of who you are. And NO ONE is going to change that.
"I'm finally being honest about myself. I'm demisexual. I'm done pretending to have sexual desire before I'm ready. If guys can't handle that, they don't deserve me."