It makes sense!
I just read an amazing study about monogamy.
We've all heard that depressing statistic about marriage and relationships:
Half of all them will eventually report cheating of one or both partners.
But there's more to it than that.
According to this study, the same people who are likely to cheat in traditional marriages are also the ones most likely to find happiness in non-traditional marriages or open relationships.
What's the secret? Apparently, commitment have an affect even on the most open relationships:
"300 Portuguese adults aged 18 to 51 to complete self-reports on sociosexuality, as well a self-report on commitment and their their history of extradyadic sex (i.e., cheating). They found that people who were unrestricted sociosexually weren’t likely to cheat if they felt a strong sense of commitment, suggesting that it acts like barrier."
It makes sense!
This is proof that our views on sex (and our sex lives) are probably standing in the way of fixing our very real divorce problem.
We think of having sex with more than one person as being unfaithful.
The reality is this:
Wanting to have sex with people in addition to the person you want to spend your life doesn't make you "bad". It's just a natural instinct you may have.
I think many women who have had partners cheat on them in traditional relationships would tell you that it's easy to get over the cheating.
It's the lying about the cheating that is the real violation.
You can have a non-traditional marriage or an open marriage where you get to sleep with other people, and so does your partner, without all the betrayal and hurt and feeling like you're not enough.
Love and sex CAN be separate things for certain people.
Having sex with other people even though you're married to one person doesn't mean you're morally corrupt.
It just means that you and your partner have committed emotionally to each other while coming to an arrangement that meets both your needs and keeps you happier.
And what could be bad about that, if both partners agree?
But non-monogamy isn't for everyone.
It requires RADICAL honesty, and sometimes that can be a bit much for some people to take.
But if you're a person who has cheated multiple times, who finds that restrictions of a relationship a problem NOT loving and committing emotionally to a person a problem, it might be time for you to consider entering into an open relationship.
Here's something important to remember, I think, when it comes to approaching non-monogamy.
The arrangement doesn't have to be forever.
You and your partner might decide that it's something you want to try, and then, after trying it, realize that it's not for you.
You don't need to feel "trapped", it doesn't have to be a permanent decision.
That said, you should definitely go in with a full awareness of what you're doing.
I like to say, and it's pretty crass, you're never going to be able to "unfuck" someone, you know?
Every relationship is, can, and SHOULD BE different depending on the people who are in it.
Just because something is traditionally "done" one way, that doesn't mean the traditional way is right for you, something I think those study results I mentioned at the top really underlines.
If you want to be in a long-term relationship, make a commitment and have long-term happiness and love, sometimes it pays off to give less of a fuck about what people think you should be doing, and what works best for you and your partner or partners.