Odd one out, reporting in.
For as long as I could remember, I was the girl who had plenty of friends who hung out one-on-one, but never really had a posse of people. Nowadays, I do have a group I hang out with and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
But, at the same time, me fitting in with other people in mainstream life just doesn’t seem to happen.
I am the girl who gets left out unless I’m throwing the event, and that’s even true at work. For example, I asked to be included in a group chat the other day. Instead of just inviting me in, my coworkers created a second one and just didn’t use it at all. I wish I could say that this was a rare occurrence, but the truth is that it’s really not.
Does the rejection and exclusion hurt? Absolutely. And there’s a lot of things I wish were socially acceptable to say to people’s faces about this stuff. That being said, these are a couple of the things I wish I could tell people or have just told them in the past.
1. I know I’m being left out, and that it hurts.
But I think they already know that I know. Actually, I’m like 90 percent sure that they know.
2. Though rejection hurts, it’s a part of life.
I’m aware of this. Even people as popular as Chris Rock and Kim Kardashian have faced rejection in the past. I’m not going to act like a special snowflake and say that this is something that only happens to me. I’m old enough to understand this.
3. Most of the time, I really wish people would tell me why.
I mean, it’s not like I’m not nice to people. I live a pretty interesting life. I’m assuming that I don’t smell because I bathe on a regular basis. Is it because I’m excitable and energetic? Seriously, what gives? I’m not looking to change myself but come on, let me know what’s off-putting.
4. In many cases, I might not fit in for obvious reasons, and I’m aware of this.
I’m not going to be the person who’s going to try to fit in with a bunch of people who wear Brooks Brothers suits when 90 percent of my wardrobe comes from YRU, Dolls Kill, and Killstar. I’m just going to point this out. I’m aware that certain personality types and backgrounds just don’t mesh.
5. I’m also well aware that I'm not owed a “why” unless there was already a tacit understanding I’d be included.
For example, if my best friend got married and I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I would believe I was owed a why. But when it comes to the stuff my coworkers pulled or just the basic rejection of life, I know I can’t ask why. So, I don’t.
6. I really wish people would realize there’s a polite way and a rude way to handle these things.
There’s a certain point where I take exclusion as an insult, particularly if I have repeatedly tried to engage in conversation only to get shot down. While I understand that rejection is a part of life, being rude about it and rubbing it in my face isn’t acceptable behavior. We’re adults and this is high school behavior.
7. I’ve made a conscious effort to stop helping people out who have no problem excluding me from fun stuff.
So if you fall into this camp, this is why I’m not helping you out anymore. And this is a relatively new move I’ve done. I no longer am allowing myself to be guilted into doing things, and I no longer see any reason why I should invest in people who don’t even give me the time of day.
If you want me to be there for you when sh*t hits the fan, you better let me be with you when times are good, too.
8. I don’t need to be part of your crowd.
When I was “odd girl out” at my university, I hung out with club kids and party promoters. When I was the “weirdo” in another crowd, I hung out with kink freaks. I can always find someone new to hang out with, so don’t act like you can be bullies to a nerd who just wants to be with the “cool kids” at lunch.
9. But while I don’t need to be included, I’m not going to lie: I want to be.
No one likes to be excluded, dude! I’m not going to go all sour grapes on people who deemed me “not cool enough” to talk to just because they did it. That’d be a bit weird, don’t you think?
10. Yes, I really wish you’d give me a chance.
I legit did want to be your friend, but you pushed me away. I’m sorry you didn’t give me a chance, but at the same time, you have every right to do so. As a result, I won’t hold it against you. Who knows? Maybe in time, you’ll reconsider.
11. But no, I’m not going to beg.
I have this thing called pride, believe it or not. And if you go out of your way to reject me, I’m not going to beg, plead, wheedle, or cry. I’ll be fine with saying I tried and saying that it probably looks worse on you than it does on me. Life’s too short to keep chasing after people who don’t like you.