51 Things I NEVER Want To Talk About Again After This Awful Election

Photo: Flickr/Bill B.
2016 election Donald Trump Hillary Clinton president
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Make it stop.

The 2016 United States Presidential Election has been a nightmare from start to finish, and it’s not even over yet.

And, more than anything, I just want the pain to stop.

I want the talking to stop. I want the pundits to stop. I want to pack up everything related to this election, put it in a box, place it in the attic next to the old Christmas lights, and then set the house on fire.

It’s not that I’m politically apathetic. It’s just that the level of political discourse has been so pathetic in this election that we’re all dumber for having listened to this crap for over a year.

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Because, for the most part, Trump and Hillary (and their various supporters) haven’t been talking about high-minded ideals, social programs, or geo-political realities. They’ve been talking about sex, scandals, and personal insults. This election resembles Pretty Little Liars more than the Lincoln-Douglas Debates.

This election cycle just comes across like a reality show that’s gone off the rails. There are characters fighting each other for screen time, people “aren’t there to make friends,” and you can’t shake the feeling that everything you’re seeing has been meticulously edited and scripted to capture our interests just long enough to keep us from switching channels during the commercial breaks.

So, like the rest of the world, I can’t wait for the 2016 Presidential campaigns to shut the hell up.

I’m looking forward to November 9th like I used to look forward to Christmas morning. All I want for post-election morning this year is SILENCE.

Off the top of my head, here are 51 things that I can’t WAIT to stop talking about once the 2016 election is finally, FINALLY over.

 

1. Trump’s fingers.

2. Trump’s skin tone.

3. Cheetos.

4. Trump’s haircut.

5. Hillary’s smile.

6. Why women should smile more.

7. The candidate’s past as a game show host.

8. If drug tests should be allowed for political debates.

9. Bernie Sanders’ posture.

10. Fact-checking as a negative concept.

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11. ANYTHING ever having to do with a candidate’s children, even if they’re grown and creepy AF.

12. Ted Cruz.

13. The concept of ninth-month abortions.

14. What constitutes groping.

15. Grown men discussing the “p-word.”

16. The relative merits of pant-suits.

17. The positive side of being hacked by foreign governments.

18. If cable news is the appropriate venue for facts.

19. Stamina.

20. “Bigly.”

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21. Describing groups of people under the plural term “baskets.”

22.Reasons why your tax returns are different than any other candidates’ tax returns.

23. Experience being a bad thing.

24. Liberal media conspiracies that can’t be proven.

25. Infidelity as a negative for female politicians, but as a veritable resume requirement for male politicians.

26. The likelihood of negotiated handshakes.

27. Candidate sniffles.

28. Emails.

29. Emails.

30. Seriously, ANYTHING ever having to do with emails ever again.

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31. Politicians being “extremely careless” with important government material.

32. Anything involving the words Podesta or Preibus.

33. PACs.

34. Mike Pence.

35. The lesser of two evils.

36. Ignoring that every election since America was founded has been a choice between the lesser of two evils.

37. Wiki-anything.

38. Scott Baio.

39. Scott Baio’s cultural significance.

40. Why the eff is Scott Baio on Fox News right now?

 

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41. Yuge.

42. Pundits.

43. Hombres.

44. Wall Street speeches.

45. Clinton dynasties.

46. The notion that “THE African Americans” only live in inner cities.

47. Anything being “cucked,” “crooked,” or “rigged.”

48. Whether America is great.

49. Whether America is broken.

50. Whether America had this coming.

51. Democracy.

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