You may think you're being nice, but...
That comes with time. Once you realize you're going to be living your life in a fat body, you either waste decades warring against it, or you find a way to come to a truce with your body. For a lot of us it's a battle we fight every single day.
But it's not the hardest one we face.
The hardest battle fat people face is existing as a fat person in a skinny person's world.
We want to mind our own business and have happy lives, but because we don't live in a world where being fat is socially acceptable, every day we get lobbed with small bombs.
The sad part is that many skinny people don't even realize they're doing it.
Here are just 9 things people need to stop saying to fat women.
1. "You have such a pretty face"
When you tell me this you're telling me I have an ugly body. My face conforms to a certain standard we deem to be acceptable for women, and that's what you praised me for — being acceptable. But you also let me know without saying so that my body isn't acceptable. That my body is ugly. You didn't mean to, but that's exactly what you did.
2. "Oh, you aren't fat."
I am five two. I weigh 209 pounds. By any stretch of the imagination or scientific measure I am fat. Just ask my BMI. When you tell me I'm not fat, you think you're making me feel better. What you're actually doing is telling me that being fat is something terrifying and ugly, something you wouldn't want your friend to have to suffer.
I'm not suffering. I am fat.
3. "I think that's just in your head."
When I share a story about being fat shamed, you might think it's helpful to suggest that what happened was in my head, that I'm sensitive to the behaviors and comments of others because I'm fat and insecure.
I'm not the problem, the way we treat fat people is the problem.
4. "It's just not healthy."
I guarantee you that my blood pressure is better than yours. I guarantee you that my cholesterol is lower. I go to the gym, I lead an active lifestyle. You don't know anything about me other than the visual information that's been presented to you.
Don't you dare assume that my size is an indicator of my health.
5. "Guys just aren't attracted to fat women."
Every single guy I've had sex with would absolutely disagree. And if a guy decides he doesn't want to have sex with me because I'm fat, that's totally his prerogative and probably okay because — surprise — I get a say in my partners too, and the idea of trying to pursue a man who doesn't find me attractive in every way makes my vagina feel like sealing up.
6. "You do yoga?"
Yup. And I swim. And I use a treadmill. And I hike. And I lift weights. I do a lot of things, and I do them in this fat body.
When you act surprised or impressed when I do something physical, you're contributing to a culture that hates fat people. Boom. Mic drop.
7. "I was going to invite to the clothes swap (or beach, or workout class, etc), but..."
Don't exclude me because you think you're doing me a favor. I might not be your size, but usually wine and chit chat and jewelry and shoes happen at clothing swaps, too.
If you're going to the beach, don't assume I don't want to go because I'm fat. I love the beach and I've got bathing suits for days.
I'm fat and I deserve to be included.
8. "Let's go bra shopping!"
If YOU want company while you're bra shopping that's great, but let's not pretend like H&M bras are going to do anything for what I've got going on, mkay?
9. "It's really just about putting in less calories and putting out more."
I'm going to share a secret with you now: we know. Every single fat adult knows exactly "how" to lose weight. We've tried diets. We've hurt our bodies trying to make them what you want them to be.
We don't look this way because we don't understand eating or nutrition or exercise. We look this way because it's how we were made. Don't presume to think we want to change a damn thing about ourselves.