Be on the lookout for subtle clues and huge, red flags.
If you’re holding your breath and wondering when your boyfriend is going to propose, you might want to make sure it’s a really big breath.
There are signs you can be on the lookout for that may clue you in on whether your sweetie ever plans on marrying you. The most surprising signs may be the most obvious, which sometimes are the most difficult to recognize.
1. He’s actually told you he doesn’t plan on getting married.
OK, I’ll admit that I’m guilty of this one. Even when my boyfriend flat-out told me he would never get married, I still thought my love would change his mind. I figured he was just being stubborn and that our relationship would make him see the light and want to live in matrimonial bliss.
Guess what? He was telling the truth.
2. He’s got another girlfriend.
This is another one of those in-your-face signs that you may be very good at ignoring. Obviously, if he openly has another girlfriend or is honest about keeping his options open, you should recognize that he has no plans to make you special. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are different and special, and that one day he's going to choose you... unless you have a lot of time to waste.
3. He makes no attempt and shows no interest in meeting your family and friends.
Perhaps he’s met a few of your close friends out of necessity or at parties, but overall he never wants to have parties or attend big functions with you. Forget about weddings or funerals; he always manages to have an excuse of why he can’t attend.
4. He doesn’t make any long-term plans with you.
He pretty much avoids talking about the future completely. He certainly never brings up the subject to you.
So, let’s say you are thinking about applying for a job that might take you out of state. You hem and haw, but find your way to talking around the topic with him. He shows mild interest, but makes sure to keep himself out of your decision to move or not.
5. He lets you move in, but suggests you keep the majority of your stuff in storage.
After your lease ends and you explain how much money you could both save if you move in together, he says you can move in with him. He does recommend you also get a storage space for your large items because he already has all the furniture that you will need. When it comes to space for your clothes, he cleans off a few shelves and a corner of the coat closet.
6. He doesn’t put any effort into working on your relationship.
Your friend tells you about a great new relationship book that helped her and her husband become closer. Your boyfriend scoffs at the pop psychology sound of the title and admonishes he doesn’t have time to waste on talking through relationship conflicts. He insists there’s nothing you guys need to work on.
7. He doesn’t show physical attention in public.
You’ve noticed recently that your boyfriend doesn’t hold your hand in public much anymore. When you try to kiss or hug him, he acts annoyed and pulls away. You’ve tried talking to him about it, but he always brushes the topic off as unimportant.
8. He doesn’t like to discuss finances.
You don’t know how much money he makes, and he hasn’t ever shown any interest in your career or how big or small your salary is. At first, you thought that was cool because it showed that neither of you cared so much about money, but lately you’ve noticed it’s more like he is being secretive about his financial situation as opposed to not paying money much mind.
9. He keeps his emotions hidden away.
You feel a sense of chilliness about him when it comes to sharing feelings. He avoids talking about any serious topics with you and is never open to exploring any emotionally complex ideas. He says he loves you, but avoids mentioning specifics about he feels.
10. He doesn’t share his work life with you.
You know his boss’s name and a few of his close colleagues, but you’ve never met them. You know his position title and have a vague sense of what he does at work every day, but you really don’t understand any of the intricacies of his profession or even know what his hopes are for the future in terms of major career goals.
11. He doesn’t remember special dates.
Birthday? Anniversary of your first date? Do all these dates just vanish from his memory if you don’t remind him? There’s a distinct possibility the importance of these dates are not that apparent to him. True, some of us have trouble remembering dates, but if he forgets all the important ones, you may just not be high on his priority level.
12. He doesn’t make you feel important.
This is the biggie. There are so many small ways that your boyfriend can let you know that you are important to him. It’s not brain science. If you often find yourself questioning if you are important in his life, chances are that you are not.
Overall, if your boyfriend gives you the impression in little ways that he’s not taking you seriously or not investing enough in your life, then odds are that he does not plan on marrying you.
Of course, people can change their minds and go through life-changing transformations. It’s up to you to decide how much time, hope and effort you are willing to invest into a relationship that may feel rather one-sided and will, more often than not, end without marriage ever being a possibility.