Better to know now before it gets too serious...
As I write this, cuffing season is freshly underway and will likely be in full-swing once you actually read it. Some of you are settling in for the wool and weight gain months with someone who likes to cuddle and binge-watch televisions, while othersare involved in relationships whose expiration dates would make a jug of unpasteurized milk look long-lived.
Getting dumped sucks, but getting dumped and totally not seeing it coming feels like stepping on an emotional landmine and having your metaphorical limbs strewn about the feelings landscape.
As a reasonable human being (beg pardon for the assumption if you're a raging assh*le lunatic), you'd like to avoid having limbs strewn anywhere even if they are exclusively literary devices. In the same way that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance, the price of not getting dumped like a lukewarm piece of salami when everyone at the party has had enough charcuterie is to be on the look out for some relatively obvious signs.
Taken in individually, none of these things are really signs that the cord is fixin' to be pulled, but when they start adding up, it may be time to dust off that old Tinder profile and begin planning for something new. Here are 10 subtle hints that he may be breaking up with you soon:
1. He's lifting weights regularly.
Maybe he lifted before but he may be looking for a change in life, OR the resultant testosterone boost may set his eyes a-wandering.
2. He's looking for a new job.
Women aren't the only ones who are allowed to do wholesale life makeovers. Plus there's always the suspicion that there may be some chicken or egg shenanigans when it comes to career angst and general dissatisfaction.
3. He's embraced a very Spartan lifestyle.
While there's a lot to be said to clearing the clutter, sometimes getting rid of stuff is the first step to a big change. This is probably a particular concern if you live together.
4. He's WAY less interested in your family, your parents in particular, than before.
And you didn't think he could be less interested but guilt regarding the enormous hurtin' he's fixin' to put on their daughter may have him a little reluctant to do pop's retirement dinner. Note: if you're planning on trying anal soon, he might similarly be reticent to spend time with the ma and pa.
5. The sex has changed appreciably either in frequency, style or fervor.
The really crappy part is that the sex may change for the better as there “may only be a few of these left.”
6. He's far less interest in mutual, well... interests.
In the same way that you may become suspicious when Jim has a second cup of coffee, it's a little weird when Jim is no longer into grooming lhasa apsos, parasailing, or learning to speak Occitan. He may be emotionally molting.
7: He quickly changes subjects with intimate conversations or ones about the future.
Sure, some dudes aren't into “labels” or “changes” or “kind sentiment,” but some dudes just don't want to lie about the sh*t that's no longer there.
8. He's more adamant about splitting costs exactly down the middle.
At some point, the courtship phase will stop in its tracks like Vince Vaughn in the desert during the finale of True Detective: Season Terrible. But strict adherence to that Dutch lifestyle probably ain't great.
9. He's started dressing... differently.
It may be an improvement, but his hair, clothes and face are things that color how he's perceived by the outside world. Sometimes a desire to change the perception is part and parcel of a desire to be a different person — with all that may entail.
10. He openly wishes things were different.
Part of being human is lamenting that time we had an opportunity to invest in Home Depot before anyone else and didn't. However, constantly wishing things were different is often times a stupid little baby step into making them different. In summary, I'm moving to San Francisco with or without you.
Taken by themselves or even clumped together like so many cheese curds, these things may be meaningless. Or they could be signs that he's looking for the right time and place to bid you sayanora.