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It feels very unnatural (unless you are very drunk) to tell a partner how you like it. But the fact is, for many of us, talking dirty is a massive turn-on and (sometimes) the quickest route to the big O. So, how can you get over the hump of shame and learn to tell your bae just where to press to set off your G-spot?
1. “You dirty dish, I’m gonna get you so clean.”
OK, so you don’t say this in bed. But do say it out of bed. While you are doing the dishes. And it might make you giggle and feel weird, but it opens you up to the possibilities, says Claire Cavanah, Babeland’s co-founder and the co-author of Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex. Talking to inanimate objects, narrating what you are doing when no one is listening makes it come easier (heh) while you are in bed.
2. “I’m going to take you in my mouth.”
Those of us who err on the side of shy-ish would do well to start out easy with some basic narration, Cavanah says. “Try some of those phrases while giving a blow job, add in eye contact, and your partner will probably be pretty turned-on,” she says.
3. “Simon says…”
Think about talking dirty as playing a game. Cavanah explains that if you’re feeling a bit tongue-tied, you can lean on a phrase like “‘Simon says’ touch my breasts,” which may feel a lot less threatening than a direct command.
If that feels bizarre, you could always try saying the “Simon says” part to yourself, in your head, and then what you actually want your partner to do out loud.
4. “Listen to this app.”
OK, so you won’t really say that. But an app like Pillow Play can really help couples who might be having some trouble finding their words. Through the app, a third voice explains how to use your words to get what you want. It’s like someone else is talking dirty for you, which can help you build up to mimicking the app once it’s just the two of you.
“This can be the perfect introduction to adding a different element to a couples’ intimate and sexual life,” says Kate Moyle, a psychosexual and relationship therapist who started the app.
5. “I like it hot and juicy.”
This may sound like it actually applies to your fast-food order, but Rita and Rosemary Delgado, the sister team behind Shades of Love, a sexpert/adult store in San Antonio says they teach clients who take their dirty talk workshops to look to food ads for inspiration. “We encourage our students to try neutral phrases and turn them sexy,” the Delgados explain. “If you put the right intonation on it, it sounds sexy. It sounds ridiculous, but it works.”
So pick a phrase you like and then experiment with different intonations, before going with the one that feels ~so right~.
6. “I want to get you home.”
This isn’t exactly raunchy AF, but according to the Delgados, it does help build anticipation. “It’s a nice little start that offers nothing but desire,” they explain. “After that, build up and be more explicit (‘I want to get you home to get you in bed’).”
From there, you can intermittently step up the level of graphic detail you want to include (i.e. ‘I want to get you home to get you in bed to lick you until you come.'”)
7. “This is my vagina.”
Play ‘name that body part,’ says the Delgados. He may like the C-word, and you may not. You may like to say “pussy,” but that word is a massive turn-off for him. Find the right words that work for you both and go from there.
When you are out of the bedroom, have a chat about the words you find hot. Do you like “tits”? Or does that make you uncomfortable? Does “breasts” work better? The more you are able to take the conversation out of the bedroom, the easier things will be once you are back in.
This article was originally published at theBERRY. Reprinted with permission from the author.