Men AND women are guilty.
We’re not big fans of exiling men and women to their own separate planets — Mars and Venus, respectively — with nary a shuttle between them. There’s a lot more that we have in common than we don’t.
That said, when you grow up in a culture committed to putting everyone into two neat gender boxes from conception on, some of those messages get internalized, and can result in some measurable differences in behavior by adulthood.
But even in the 21st century, there are still some outdated, stubborn traditions and viewpoints that keep some bedroom don’ts more or less divided down gender lines.
Even if you consider yourself a fairly enlightened, progressive being, please review both lists to see which mistakes you still might be inadvertently or even subconsciously making, and adjust accordingly:
The Biggest Mistakes Women Continue to Make
- Assuming condoms are always only the guy’s responsibility.
- Making assumptions about the relationship without explicitly talking about it.
- Using sex as a bartering tool.
- Automatically assuming that certain things are ‘gross’ or unladylike.
- Talking about exes a little too much.
- Assuming menstruation means no sex.
- Apologizing (for not climaxing, queefing, gagging, wanting to stop something, or not wanting to do something in the first place).
- Not having sex when things aren’t just so (e.g. you haven’t shaved, you have your “grandma underwear” on, etc) — which is not to be confused with not having sex when things aren’t right (no protection, not being 100% gungho about the person, etc), in which case not having sex is always the right move.
- “Accidentally” leaving things behind.
- Having sex with someone who broke up with you in an attempt to get them back or get “closure” (see “It’s Not Okay” by Andi Dorfman of “Bachelorette” fame).
- Assuming that you have to always ‘make love.’ (Again, see “It’s Not Okay“).
- Focusing on negative criticism instead of positive reinforcement in an attempt to get what you want out of a relationship or sex.
The Biggest Mistakes Men Continue to Make
- Buying gifts for their girlfriends that are really gifts for themselves (e.g. lingerie).
- Not making their partner’s orgasm a priority. / Making their partner’s orgasm too much of a priority.
- Mistaking direction as criticism.
- Leaving their socks on.
- Automatically considering a hook-up “not relationship material.”
- Foregoing foreplay (or considering it two seconds of boob grabbing) and thinking that sex is jackhammering in two dimensions.
- Not making eye contact during sex.
- Not enough quality cuddling after sex.
- Too much tongue when kissing.
- Pushing their partner’s head down for/during oral.
- “Oopsing” as a way to introduce their partner to backdoor loving.
- Date rape. Any rape. This is the supreme DON’T. If humanity could wipe out #12, almost all other above mistakes above could be forgiven.
This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.