"All my sadness seems to float away."
I've been depressed since I was 14.
I can't quite remember how it began. It might have started when my childhood friend of almost 8 years was being moved to New Jersey. Or maybe it started when I began binge eating and gained 80 pounds in 10th grade. I think it probably began when I was 10 and got brutally bullied by all the kids in my 5th grade class for getting an awful haircut that they would howl like a dog and point fingers at me.
I used to hate the whole idea of marijuana and the stereotype it carried upon people who smoked it. I only began to see it's true benefits when my mother started smoking it while going through cancer. But I never thought it could be medicine for depression too.
And none of it really worked.
And that's not to say that it can't work for others because I have had several friends who absolutely love opening up to strangers, but It's just not my thing.
So after my mom died I naturally went "crazy." I drank every day, ignored my friends, cut myself, you name it. Again I was pushed into therapy and it didn't work. So I continued my bad habits until i made the decision to try and get better. So I became obsessed with fitness, and that actually worked for a while.
Then I moved to Orlando, Florida, to start fresh and finally get my bachelor's degree after getting accepted to my dream school. Then with the stress of school, in the matter of two years I put on almost 100 pounds. I was devastated.
Then this past April, I lost my Dad in a tragic car accident. I felt completely broken. I tried getting on medication but it just made me sick. I tried therapy again and this time I gave it a real shot, and it helped, but I still couldn't get out of a funk.
So I decided to start smoking weed, and suddenly life wasn't so sucky anymore.
All my sadness seems to float away.
Every night before bed, I light up and all my problems or stress from my day just disappear. It's like a computer being put on snooze mode. And I've noticed over the past 6 months that while I've been on this routine (while still doing therapy), I no longer desire to go back to the nasty habits I'd turn to when I was depressed in the past.
I'm able to go through my day and be able to slowly get back to the happier, healthier version of myself I've been trying to find for a very long time.
I'm starting to workout again, I'm dating a great guy, and despite the loss of my parents, I'm able to keep going knowing that I'm living and have great opportunities because of them.
I'm not saying that marijuana is the solution to all my problems, but it sure does help me enjoy life just a little bit more.