Better to be safe than sorry.
I think we all can agree that relationships are scary.
Putting that much trust into another person is a big risk — especially for those of us who have been chronically single for some time. We know how to make it on our own and how to be happily independent. Getting into a relationship can put all of that hard work into jeopardy.
But being a smart, confident woman doesn’t mean you avoid dating all together. You should never stop trying to get what you want — a real relationship with someone you’re over-the-moon crazy about — just because you’re scared of getting hurt in the process.
The key is not getting caught up in guys who don’t matter. Guys who are just trying to sleep with you. Guys who will say they want to be with you, but never actually commit. Guys who will fool you into thinking they have their crap together when they really don’t.
Fortunately, there are ways to navigate through the drama and the lies and have some legit choices. You just have to do a little work first.
In a recent interview, Kala Spigarelli, a lawyer and co-founder of Undolus, an online dating research tool for women, talked about why ladies NEED to do some pre-work before they commit to dating a new guy.
She said, "If you've been in a relationship that was terrible, you may have a pattern to go back to that same type of relationship even though you might recognize it. And it’s hard to get out." And no one wants to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
Here are five things informed women do to help weed through the millions of fish in the sea to find the real catches.
I think the easiest way to see how serious a guy is, is to see how long he’s willing to hold out. If he’s just in it for sex, then he won’t wait around that long.
Guys will say a lot of B.S. when they first meet you. Many talk a big game, but never actually do anything about it. Take everything they say with a grain of salt until there’s evidence to back it up. Remember that it's much more important how they SHOW their love than anything they SAY about it.
There’s nothing wrong with snooping as long as it’s done with good intentions. Smart women use social media and sites like Undolus, online services that allow smart women help other women navigate through all the ugly challenges that come with dating. If you use Undolus (and you should), you get a thorough background check on your new man that includes any or all criminal records AND access reviews from other women. HELL YES.
These women are not afraid of a guy running away when they start to get nosy. It’s your time and effort he wants, so make sure he’s worth. Ask him how he feels about things that are important to you, and you’ll know in no time whether or not you’re on the same level. (A smart guy should come prepared for those questions anyway.)
You want to make sure your romantic options are at the same level as you. There’s no point in dating if you both don’t want the same things, yes? Why pretend you’re compatible if you can already see some fundamental differences from the outset? You don’t want to waste your time getting to know someone who isn’t even a logical person to date. Be realistic at the beginning and save yourself a lot of pain later.
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This article was created in partnership with Undolus.