Penis Lattes Are A Thing Now If You Like Foamy Penises On Your Coffee

Photo: Instagram
dick lattes penis art on coffee
Sex

Because what's a morning without a penis in your face?

The American obsession with designer coffee has officially peaked. 

I blame hipster culture and Brooklyn as a whole. 

I can do that because I live in Brooklyn and admit to being fully part of the problem. 

Don't get me wrong. I love being served up a small cup of organic ethically sourced java by a truculent yet terrible poet wearing a fedora and to pay eight dollars for the privilege, but I fully acknowledge that the whole thing is the racket.

Foam art is perhaps the most annoying gimmick out there.

Baristas know that we are jaded and tired of the coffee game, so to keep us coming back for more they do shit like decorate your morning fix with an adorable kitty face or a sweet pattern of hearts made in foam

But even these artistic additions have begun to seem rote. 

Baristas have sensed the shifting tide and to keep us all from abandoning them for the next cool thing, they have upped their game.

Penis lattes are now a thing.

Yup, that's right. 

The next time you get your cup of joe, take a second look before you put the lid on, you might find yourself face to face with a beautiful penis crafted from foam.

Behold! The best pictures of 'd*ck lattes' on the internet. You're welcome. 

Instagram

Sure, they stick with what works, exhibit the chain of hearts, but check out those spiky testicles! I'm very impressed. 

Instagram

I wish guys really ejaculated a chain of fluffy hearts. How magical! 

Instagram

Look, just because you know how to make a spider and a spider web AND ALSO know how to make a penis out of foam, this does not obligate you to demonstrate both of these skills at once. Horrifying. Although this might be good for someone trying to kick a coffee habit, I suppose. 

Instagram

Lovely! I appreciate the vulnerability of the flaccid member just chilling among a peaceful field of wild foam flowers. 

Instagram

This makes me think of a beautiful whale surfacing for a breath, and that makes me worried that I maybe take the penises in my life for granted. 

Aw, have you ever seen anything so adorable? I mean, have you ever seen any penis so adorable? I certainly have not! 

Would you pay extra for a little bit of penis art on your cappuccino?

Author
Blogger