You witness mistakes made, lessons learned, and you truly zone-in on what you want for yourself.
There's a reason that some people will tell you that you need to be on your own for awhile before you can be truly happy in a relationship. It's because the lessons you learn — by being a relationship observer rather than participant — are detrimental for becoming the best version of yourself for any relationship in your future, not to mention beneficial to the relationship with yourself.
If you never learn from the lessons of your past failed relationships and just keep diving from one right in to the other, you eventually become a sh*tstorm of chaos that explodes particles of your past insecurities and baggage unintentionally into the next person you encounter. This can equal some pretty unnecessarily messy breakups or problems in the relationship.
If you're one of the badasses that has been rolling solo for awhile now or are planning on taking some time to yourself before getting involved in the dating scene again, pat yourself on the back right now because you've made a very healthy choice for your future.
To some, the logic might be counterproductive in the sense that the longer you've been single, the more foreign you become to relationship behaviors, but the opposite is true in most cases. Long term singles are the ones who have been observing multiple relationships without actually being in one, and it's a huge blessing in disguise.
You witness couples fighting, breaking up, making up, getting engaged, starting families together, and you get that exclusive inside information from your coupled up friends that expose you to the reality of relationships at all stages.
You witness mistakes made, lessons learned, and you truly zone-in on what you want for yourself. Heck, you might even dabble into a bit of casual dating here and there to test different personalities out to see what truly piques your interest.
It's all part of a process bigger than the act of dating itself. You're truly figuring out who you are and what you need to live your own happily ever after, and that's just the icing on the cake of what you learn when you're single long term.
The longer you've been single, the better you'll be in a relationship. And here's why:
1. You discover your own interests.
When you start spending a lot of time on your own and without a relationship, you start exploring interests that appeal to you. Your time is free to use on whatever you want. Whether it's learning to play a new instrument or taking up some crazy new fitness trend, the point is, you're free to design your schedule and hobbies as you see fit, and this is how you grow as your own unique person.
When you get into a relationship again, you're not going to be a lost puppy dog hanging on to whatever your partner wants to do because you have your own life full of things that make you happy. Plus, merging those two unique worlds together feels more amazing than just following your partner's lead.
2. You improve upon past relationship flaws.
Taking a time out from dating allows you to reflect upon your last experiences without the distraction of another person. Even if some might say you shouldn't look back, it's highly beneficial when it comes to ironing out the wrinkles of your past to make for a better future.
If you have problems with jealousy, acting controlling, or you have a problem communicating your needs, being single for a while is the perfect time to work out those details about yourself to learn and grow from those mistakes. This makes you a better person for your next relationship because you've worked on your shortcomings for your own well-being, and the confidence in yourself exudes to the next person you love.
3. You become secure with yourself.
The most empowering part about being single long term is that you become completely secure with every inch and layer of who you are, both physically and mentally. If you don't like something about yourself, you seek to improve it, and it's not because someone else tells you that you need to work on it.
It doesn't happen overnight and it does take some time, but when you're single long term you learn to validate yourself without having someone else to stroke that ego for you. You become content with your flaws, and you relish your positive qualities to a point that you're completely happy with who you are all around.
When you establish this kind of independence and pride, it's not only attractive to others, it also translates well into a relationship. Because when you're authentic and true to yourself, you'll attract the same genuine type of person to you.
4. You master the art of feeling good alone.
Being alone is a hard thing to conquer for many. Some people just can't do it — they need someone around at all times. When you're single long term, being in complete solitude becomes second nature. You're perfectly OK with no plans on a Friday night because being with yourself, a bottle of wine and a good movie is just as good as being out on the town with a bunch of people around or someone on your arm.
When you're finally in a relationship again, you won't be codependent on spending time with your partner because you're perfectly OK with doing your own thing.
5. You learn to manage responsibility yourself.
Handling adult responsibilities when you always have someone else to share the weight with is great, but handling it on your own because you're single is even more amazing. When you get into a relationship again, you won't be relying on someone else to carry your weight, because you've been carrying it on your own for so long without any help.
Merging financial responsibilities is tough when one person doesn't know how to properly adult, and you'd be surprised how many people are still learning the ropes. For you, you've got that sh*t handled. And let's be honest, being responsible is pretty damn sexy.
6. You start appreciating simple things.
It's easy to get caught up in the material things and large scale displays of affection when you're bouncing from person to person and focusing on what you don't have, rather than what you do. But when you spend a lot of time on your own being that silent observer, you learn to appreciate the small details most people overlook.
When you're in a relationship, sometimes you don't realize those little things that add up, like making the morning coffee just the way you like it or when the person we care about checks up on you to ask you how your day is. When you spend a long time on your own, you realize how much those little tokens of affections actually mean.
7. You form the best relationship you've ever had.
At the end of the day, your long term single life will give you the best kind of love you'll ever have in your life: the relationship with yourself. It's the only one that will always truly matter.