These Secrets Will Help Your Kids Survive Your Divorce (Use Them!)
It's SO important that you do this right.
iStock Together with death and moving, divorce is likely the most stressful non-violent thing most of us will ever go through. Some research says it’s more stressful for women than men. But hurt feelings and financial issues aside, it is toughest on kids.
Given that just less than half of American marriages end in divorce, you can probably name a dozen friends whose parents’ split absolutely crushed them.
The list of ancillary injuries for the children is long and painful — from eating and weight issues to problems at school to serious personality disorders. Mom and Dad calling it quits, especially in a hostile way, can really stain someone’s psyche.
And the collateral damage can continue into future relationships and parenting choices. That’s a heavy burden, right?
Well, it doesn’t have to be. As has been said many, many times before: a good divorce is much better for everyone involved (even the lawyers) than a terrible marriage. How do you get there?
Liza Caldwell and Kimberly Mishkin from SAS For Women, a boutique agency providing support and guidance for women going through a divorce, have wise words on how NOT to make your kids rue the day their parents met and, ultimately, decided life was better apart.
Mishkin’s top piece of advice is to remember that you only have control over choices you make. Your spouse and friends and legal representation may act in ways that you find disagreeable but your children will remember the good and bad choices you made.
Sinking to the level of a disrespectful former partner will not go unnoticed; to quote Gandhi, “an eye for an eye only ends up making the world blind.”
But what can you do?
Caldwell suggests thinking before you act or speak. You definitely shouldn't disparage their other parent or use your children as pawns. But you should also stick up for yourself and not be a doormat.
It sounds like a lot, right? You’re not in this alone Liza and Kimberly can help. SAS for Women™ is a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships. Don’t miss the opportunity to receive six free months of coaching via your inbox.