It's a bit of mind-f*ck to grasp, but it'll set you free.
Inevitably, whatever we believe to be true about ourselves on a deep, subconscious level, will cause us to attract romantic partners who will mirror that belief back to us.
Do you believe that you’re too emotional? You’ll attract significant others that can’t handle your emotions (or their own).
Do you think that you’re too stupid? You’ll attract partners who agree with you.
Do the majority of your thoughts circle around how you aren’t good enough to be loved? Then you will find yourself in relationship with people who, no matter what you do, will not be able to love you.
Here’s a personal story to hammer home this concept in a clear way:
From the ages of 20-24 years old, I believed that I was too emotional. I thought I was too sensitive and that my feelings were a burden (to me, and those around me).
If I teared up during a movie, I would roll my eyes and judge myself harshly. If I got emotional while watching American Idol, my immediate, unfiltered thought would be a critical one (“Really? You’re crying during American Idol? You’re ridiculous”).
And, surprise, surprise, during those years, I exclusively attracted romantic partners who also treated me as if I was too emotional.
They would either explicitly state that I was too emotional or they would emotionally shut down, themselves, whenever my emotions visibly bubbled up to the surface.
I felt undeserving of love because of my self-perceived character flaw, and so I attracted in partners who consciously or subconsciously agreed with my belief about myself.
Now, replace “too emotional” with whatever your thing might be…
Too much. Too sensitive. Too logical. Too chaotic. Too boring. Too stupid. Too slow. Too sexual. Too rigid. Too much of a partier. Too talkative.
Whatever you negatively judge yourself as, you will continue to attract partners that mirror that disdain, disgust, or disapproval back to you.
So how do we get this pattern to stop?
Simply put, we make this pattern stop by becoming aware of the lesson that is being brought forth to us via our partners, and we (over time) learn to love and accept the thing that we have been judging and criticizing.
Whatever the thing is that we have been labeling as annoying, a burden, not enough, or a flaw, is the thing that we need to see, love, and accept fully.
It is only when we start loving that part of ourselves that we have been hating, that be begin to attract partners who also love that same thing in us.
Miraculously, as we start to see our ‘flaw’ as the gift that it is, our partners magnify the love that we have for that character trait. And make no mistake about it, the thing that you have been battling in yourself for years is very likely one of your core gifts. After all, often our greatest gifts are the things we have the most wounding around.
So begin to see yourself, your entire self, as the livable, human creation that you are, and don’t be surprised if you start attracting in some of the healthiest, most deeply connected romantic partners of your entire life.