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Stop being a doormat and start respecting yourself.
By Laura Lifshitz — Last updated on Jul 20, 2023
If you've got no self-respect, you will keep attracting some pretty undesirable people in your life.
You're a great person. Trouble is, you don't realize it. You're too busy undermining your own worth so much that you're not questioning how others treat you. In your eyes, people treat you badly because a) you think you deserve it, or b) you think you keep having "bad luck."
But it's not bad luck. A lack of boundaries and people-pleasing are signs of low confidence. Having no self-respect means putting everyone and anything before yourself. Abandonment, trauma, or neglect can cause a lack of self-respect.
And if you notice any of the following signs, you don't respect yourself.
Here are 7 signs you have no self-respect and it's seriously hurting your life.
1. You're the 'doormat friend.'
All that negative self-talk is taking years of your life. If you're the one that people always ask things for without giving back anything in return, you're what they call a "doormat."
Do people get away with murder when it comes to you? Are you frequently left picking up other people's messes? Do people just expect that "you'll do it"? If you answered yes, you've got no self-respect and are letting people walk all over you.
2. You lose yourself in a relationship.
Do you date men and then, in the process, completely forget who and what you are? Do your values go totally by the wayside with the new guy, and do you find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally do? Are your friends commenting on how much you've changed — and not in a glowing manner?
You've forgotten who you are and have lost your identity because you have no self-respect. You need boundaries in order to stay true to who you are, but you won't set them. It's sad.
3. You do things for attention.
It's not unusual for you to stir the pot. You spread yourself too thin in an attempt to spread gossip. You will do whatever it takes to be the center of the spotlight — no matter how foolish or embarrassing. Your self-esteem is so low that you can't help but gossip about your friends behind their backs.
Talking bad about your friends won't provide you with feelings of belonging. All that gossip will only dig you deeper into your poor self-esteem hole.
4. You indulge your bad habits in excess.
You're drinking, drugging, self-harming, and the list rolls on. You're punishing yourself and your body. You're down with a sickness that can kill you.
There’s a difference between having low self-esteem and drinking yourself to death. You don't love yourself, much less care for yourself. You have zero self-respect for yourself and your life.
5. You go out of your way for people who don't do the same for you.
You will move every single mountain for someone who wouldn't look you straight in the eye for one second if he or she had the chance. You will make excuse after excuse for someone who would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat.
You go out of your way for someone who would do nothing for you. That's a big sign of a complete and utter lack of self-respect.
6. You tolerate abuse.
You tolerate abusive partners and nasty people because you somehow have bought into the idea that you deserve it. One or two times they were nice to you, so what? Instead of focusing on all that they do each day, you keep remembering the one or two times they treated you nicely.
The writing is on the wall, though, and it's clear that these "partners" aren't kind to you. It's painful for your loved ones to see that you have such little self-respect for yourself and such low self-confidence.
7. You have desperate, casual sex.
A liberated woman can enjoy sex for sex's sake. A liberated woman can have a one-night stand and never look back.
A respected woman can have sex with a partner who loves and respects her. A respected woman can have casual sex or long-term sex.
A woman with no self-respect has sex in a desperate attempt to make someone else love her, even though that won't do the trick.
A woman with no self-respect will have sex with someone because she forgets how to say no, forgets she has the right to say no and doesn't have the strength to fight it. Her sex isn't liberated, fun, or respectful.
To the woman who has no self-respect: I know there's pain, heartache, and a story as to why you've lost that self-respect.
But I implore you, please: keep searching for the love you lost. The love you lost for yourself. You deserve it.
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Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on the New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, PopSugar, and more.