You'll have more than one love in your lifetime — so relax.
As little girls we’re taught to believe in Prince Charming. He’s going to rescue you from a fire-breathing dragon, wake you from your slumber, and one day, if you’re good and pure, he might even marry you!
Well, this is the 21st century. The only men galloping along in a horse and carriage are in Central Park, and they’re required to have a horse-drawn cab liscence.
So, let’s nip these fairy tales in the bud. Dr. Bob Wright and Dr. Judith Wright, relationship counselors and co-authors of the new book The Heart of the Fight, helped us bust some of most common relationship myths:
Myth 1: Prince Charming Exists
Reality: Your guy might be amazing, yet you’re still longing for perfection. No one is perfect — not even you! Charming men can also be too good to be true.
“They are often shallow, ingenuine, and manipulative,” Dr. Judith reveals. “[They] often say what you want to hear in order to seduce you.”
You see, ladies, you must let go of this fantasy hombre, and say yes to Prince Real, Prince Values and Prince Substance.
Myth 2: You Must Be Rescued
Reality: If you feel you need to rescued from a bad relationship or a crappy single life, you’re placing yourself as the victim. And that’s “a perfect formula for drama, but not for a relationship,” says Dr. Bob. “Rescuing leads to dependence and resentment, because the person being rescued will eventually need to grow up and then the entire foundation for the relationship falls apar."
Your best bet is to become a self-aware, confident and loving mujer who knows who she wants and who she is. That way you’ll attract a man of quality.
Myth 3: A Frog Can Turn Into A Prince With The Right Woman
Reality: We all believe we have the superpower to change a man with potential.
“If you catch yourself thinking, ‘I can change him,’ watch out!” warns Dr. Judith. “If he’s not who you want him to be now, don’t think anything will be different with some TLC.”
That doesn’t mean you give up on your guy, but he has to back it up with action. Is he actively working on becoming a better man, or does he just talk the talk? The latter will lead to more disappointment, resentment, and years wasted on a frog disguised as a man.
Myth 4: If We’re Meant To Be, We’ll Never Fight
Reality: As long as you’re not abusive, fighting once and awhile is good for relationships. Conflict allows us to grow, truly see our partner and form a stronger bond.
“In fact those points of tension are the best opportunities for learning and teaching each other, as long as you take advantage of them,” advises Dr. Judith. “Avoid fighting and you avoid intimacy.”
Myth 5: There is One True Love For Each Person
Reality: Ever been in love more than once? Then you know there’s more than one true love! If you don’t, you’re in for a world of hurt and failed relationships.
“Studies show that people who think there is a soul mate or ‘the one’ are less likely to work on the relationship,” Dr. Bob reports. “When tensions surface or not so nice stuff gets revealed, they figure they picked the wrong one and move on.”
That’s just not conducive to a healthy relationship,chicas.
Myth 6: Physical Chemistry Is Necessary for Falling In Love
Reality: You should be attracted to your partner, but physical chemistry isn’t the end-all, be-all of relationship success.
“Love is a conscious choice. You can be attracted to someone’s mind, their humor, their kindness — and not just their looks,” Dr. Judith states.
In the end, there must be substance, commonalities and an emotional connection and intimacy. That’s reality. That’s a relationship.
This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.