Is your Grandmother cooler than you? Mine is.
Who doesn't love a trip to Grandma's house? The presence of a grandmother (even if she's not your own) is nurturing, grounding, and full of random bouts of wisdom. There are so many gems grandmothers offer, and we often forget or never get a chance to thank them for all the goodness they bring to life.
One of my grandmothers passed away many years ago, leaving a trail of love, laughter, and greatly-appreciated kookiness in her wake. The other one is still partying and creating serious change across the United States via Amtrak trains. They're the epitome of badass.
If your granny is still around, call her up and thank her for the following. She'll brush it off with her old school humility, but it will warm her heart.
1. She taught you old school sass.
Grandma is a pro at delivering the perfect zinger at just the right moment. When someone needs to be put in his or her place, serve up a line from Granny's Book of Sass. But of course, end it with a "Bless your heart."
2. She instilled in you deep values of feminism.
Grandmother pushed against the belief that men were in some way superior to women, in days when this opinion was very unpopular (at least amongst men). Knowing she worked so hard to procure equal rights for women empowers you to ask your employer for the salary you deserve, and tell your partner it's their turn to clean the house.
3. She let you be a kid.
Every kid needs moments where they can finish the whole pint of ice cream, watch cartoons for six hours, or play Chuck E. Cheese skee-ball until their hands are raw. Thanks for letting a kid be a kid, Grandma! (And not telling mom and dad.)
4. She shared her hard-won wisdom.
All those colorful years of life equate to a rainbow of wisdom. Grandma is a treasure trove of advice you're in desperate need of, and sometimes, advice you wish she'd kept to herself. TMI Grandma, TMI.
5. She's not ashamed of a loud toot.
That prune juice, Metamucil, and flax seed is working, Grandma. Keep it regular, girl! The importance of a healthy colon cannot be underestimated, and Grandma exhibits this in a very real way by letting the gas go. All day. Every day. No shame.
6. She put up with your grandfather.
Grandpa is amazing, but can be a tad curmudgeonly. Grandmother has been a shining example of how to appease, lighten up, or straighten out the grumpy amongst us, depending on the circumstances.
7. She's brutally and hilariously honest.
She will say what everyone else is thinking, even if it's an unpopular opinion or lacking in couth. She doesn't have time for niceties and gets her point across. If you absorb Grandma's courageous honesty (and sprinkle in a bit of tact), you'll be golden.
8. She taught your parents how to be good parents.
If Grandma was rad, it's likely that her offspring inherited some of that. Lucky for you, one of those offspring equals half of your parentage. Make sure to pass on the goodness to your brood.
9. She's kept the classic art of handwritten letters alive.
Email, shme-mail. No new-fangled gadgets for Grandma. She's appalled that many schools no longer teach cursive, and she's keeping it classy by only sending handwritten letters so gorgeous and flowing that they're impossible to read, but pretty to look at. Don't give up the art of writing words with a pen in your hand.
10. She loves feeding you comfort food.
Grandma enjoys filling you with delicious concoctions of butter, sugar, bacon, and mayo. Grandma loves mayo. Thank you, Grandma, for always stuffing us with comfort food.
11. She never apologizes for her unique style.
You never catch Grandma self-consciously plucking at her clothing or frowning at herself in the mirror. She rocks her unique style with pride, and urges you to do the same. Her getups usually consist of bright colors, clunky jewelry, and amazing eyewear, a la Iris Apfel. We'll never apologize for our unique style because Grandma's courage paved the path for respected individuality.