Don't You DARE Call Me A MILF Like It's A F*cking Compliment

Photo: Victoria McFall
Don't You DARE Call Me A MILF Like It's A Compliment
Family, Love

Since when did it become socially acceptable to tell someone they're doable?

Dear "Men,"

It seems to be a misguided delusion suffered by some of you that hitting up a single mama with some variation of "Sup, MILF?" is going to get you somewhere.

Okay, fine. I'll admit it: It will get you somewhere with me. You'll be screenshotted, blocked if you're a complete stranger, laughed at if I know you, and used as the evening's entertainment when I sit down with my friends and talk about why I'm totally fine being single if my only options are guys like you.

Trust me when I say this on behalf of all young, 20-something single moms everywhere: the term "MILF' is NOT a compliment. It's sexist and not a decent way to start a friendship, much less a relationship.

Sure, sometimes calling someone a MILF is funny, like when my girlfriends leave it as a comment on one of my pictures. It's a fun joke with my friends over take-out and The Big Bang Theory. But you, potential date? I don't want to be a called a MILF by you.

For starters: are you trying to be funny or are you trying to get laid? 

Am I good-looking "for a mom" because you think mothers should be disgustingly out of shape, wearing the same t-shirt they put on last week, and desperately awaiting the slightest bit of attention from someone like you?

What I hear when you send me a Facebook message or text at 2 AM that says, "Hey, Girl-Who-is-Hot-For-a-Mom-I-Guess, are you up for a random hookup? I'm bored and desperate and kind of hoping you are, too. I mean, you can't get anyone else right?"

No, I'm not up for a random hookup.

No, I'm not OK with you talking to me in sleazy bro talk and then getting offended when I don't swoon like you're a hopeless romantic

In fact, I now doubt your ability to communicate. Why? Because you think it's socially acceptable to send me a message basically telling me I'm doable.

I have very little faith that the adult conversation I crave when I've spent too much time discussing refrigerator magnets with my twins will come from you. If you can't begin any sort of banter without degrading me, how in the world are we going to make it through dinner?

I realize we're living in a world of instant gratification so you want to "get to the point." Well, here's my point: I will not waste time with someone who can't even pretend he's a respectable man.

My free time is valuable. The time I spend away from my daughters won't be spent with the kind of guy who spends his time trolling single mamas from his own mother's basement.

"Stacy's Mom" will never be "our" song. My daughters will never have to suffer through meeting you. If I'm going to hire a babysitter, throw high heels on for the first time in way too long, and wear something besides leggings (OK, I may still wear leggings), it'll be for someone who knows how to compliment a single mother the right way. It'll be someone who knows how to compliment a woman, period.

Here's the correct way to hit on me: "Hey, I noticed you have children. They're lovely. They obviously get that from you." 

Sincerely,

The Intelligent, Witty, Successful Single Mom Who Ain't Got Time For Your Sorry Behind

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