Now you can be one of them!
Take notes to be a well-loved belle of the ball at your next party…
1. They like making people feel important.
They’re genuinely fascinated in what you have to say, and would often rather talk about you than themselves. They’re willing to get real with you and ask thoughtful questions about you, as if you’re the most important person in the world.
Woah, why do you feel so warm and fuzzy while you’re talking to them?
To sharpen your listening tools, practice being as present as possible. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk when someone else is speaking, and definitely don’t start rehearsing what you’re going to say next — then you’ll zone out and miss what they have to say!
Look people in the eye during your conversation, and nod when appropriate so the speaker knows that you’re empathetic to what they’re saying. Don’t start the chat with any sort of agenda for the direction you want your talk to go, because when you’re actively listening and contributing to the conversation, a satisfying direction will take shape all on its own.
For extra tips, take a look at The Lost Art Of Listening by Michael P. Nichols.
2. They give awesome wedding toasts.
It’s one thing to be great at public speaking, but that ability also tends to transfer over to being great at one-one-one conversations. Charming people know how to speak concisely and get their point across while making you feel magically at ease.
To practice your speaking skills, check out Toastmasters International, which has helped people from every walk of life get their speech-making game face on.
3. They love rocking what they’ve got.
Charming people know how to rock what they’ve got. Instead of approaching their looks negatively or dwelling on anything they don’t like about themselves, they focus on making their favorite features center stage.
Think of that acquaintance of yours with the perfectly-placed highlighter that shows off her beautiful cheekbones, or the woman whose signature look is all about beautiful dresses that highlight her great shoulders — when they walk into the room, they’re who we want to be.
If your main goal when shopping for new clothes is finding things that hide features you don’t like, it’s time for a big change. Forget about that “flaw” and instead think about what you love about yourself so you can focus on highlighting that instead.
To delve deeper into this, perfect an awesome at-home blowout and learn how to style your hair in the way that makes you feel like your most fabulous self. Then, become a pro at picking out the perfect clothes for your body type.
4. They’re great at making themselves look approachable.
Body language speaks volumes about who you are. Charming people glide into a room with confidence, but they don’t necessary take the whole spotlight. While a leader may want to take on the most powerful stance they can come up with, a charmer wants to make sure they remain approachable and relatable.
Part of all that charisma is about making others feel like they’re important, after all. When someone speaks to you, turn your knees or face toward them so they know you’re invested.
5. They smile regularly.
People gravitate to the most positive source in the room, so if you’ve got smiles and a good attitude to share, you’re golden. Feeling genuinely good about life is no simple feat and is different process for everyone, but if you’d like to take a slightly woo self-help approach to feeling a bit better, start with a few of these reads:
6. They tell hilarious stories.
You all know that one friend who lights up a room with the retelling of a simple story, making every moment come to life and keeping you hanging on the edge of your seat with laughter and suspense. Good storytelling is a fine art — and a lost one, at that!
Building up your confidence and speaking skills will help with this one, but another great way to tell more vibrant stories is to take an improv class. It will shake you out of your comfort zone and get you used to thinking on the spot and making stories come to life.
If you live in a major city, try out favorites like UCB Theatre, The Second City, Bay Area Theatre Sports, and ComedySportz. If none of these are near you, a quick Yelp search should send you in the right direction—there are a lot more improv schools than you think!
7. They’re confident — or at least they look like they are.
Not surprisingly, confidence is attractive — and that includes having the confidence necessary to be vulnerable. One of the things that makes charming people so appealing is that they don’t feel a constant need to intimidate others, and are willing to level with you. Letting go of the need to put on false airs to make that happen only comes with feeling good about who you are.
Fake it ’til you make it or build your confidence from the ground up, but no matter what, believing in yourself is vital! For more help with this one, take a look at 10 Ways To Fake Confidence Until You Actually Believe It.
When in doubt, remember: you’re probably already way more charming than you think!
So go out there and be awesome.
This article was originally published at Self. Reprinted with permission from the author.