New moms: This one's for you.
I could feel the texture of his tongue moving against mine. The urges were primal, urgent, and lovely. And then I woke up, flustered and seeking.
I was six months pregnant and the dreams dipped in juicy sex were coming on strong. The intimacy and release of sex secretly filled my mind more than the upcoming birth of my child. I wondered what the sweet lady at the grocery store, who always asked how I was feeling, would've said if I told her I had an electric sexual energy coursing through me; that I craved the moment my partner would return home, and I could close the blinds.
My journal entries were salacious. My girlfriends assured me that this bloom of sexuality would wilt as soon as I became a mother. As soon as my breasts were used for nourishment versus arousal. As soon as my vagina was opened to full capacity. As soon as sleep became the subject of my fantasies.
They were wrong. Here's what giving birth taught me about sex.
1. My body was made for full expression.
Moving through childbirth allowed me to fully step into my femininity, teaching me to honor my body with complete reverence. This reverence allowed me to strip away my inhibitions and experience the pleasure of sex without constraint.
2. Pre-planned sex is sexy.
With a gorgeous human requesting the services of my breasts the majority of the day, my freedom to surprise my partner with spontaneity had diminished. We had to call on our forethought to make physical intimacy a regular affair. Committing to our sexual relationship added a new level of devotion to it. We didn't just wait for it to happen; we made it happen. And that is sexy.
3. I fostered a deeper relationship with my vagina.
I never knew how my vagina worked before childbirth; I was never connected to it. It just did stuff without my being consciously aware of how it happened. During childbirth, I was required to tap into my vaginal muscles, learned to relax my perineum, and felt the power of clitoral stimulation to release blessed oxytocin. I made it happen. Now, I have the power to make it happen during sex.
4. Quality is more important than quantity.
When my son was an infant, it was rare for him to sleep more than thirty minutes at a time. In-the-moment haste became the name of our sexy game. My partner and I knew that our time for lovemaking was finite and we needed to make it count. Instead of focusing on the ticking clock, we were devoted to each sweet second, and it made each touch so sexually charged that we had time to spare before the baby monitor crackled.
5. Having an orgasm isn't a must.
But it is lovely. This means that one or both of us don't always reach the peak of that heavenly mountain. It's torturous and titillating. If our flow is cut short without the charge being fully released, we're buzzing until we have our next chance at oneness. An erotic vibration follows us everywhere.
6. Anticipation is delicious.
We had to wait six weeks after the birth of our son to have sex. While I had extraordinary discomfort in my healing vagina, I also had intense pangs of desire. We danced in other avenues of pleasure, but held a bright light for the day we could fully couple. Absence can make the genitals grow fonder.
7. Sex is the spark of life.
I always knew that sex made babies. My mother bought me a very informative, anatomically-correct children's book at the age of four. But I never really knew until I had my son. Sex is a sacred act of hope, connection and life. Even if the couple's immediate goal isn't procreation, the fusion of their bodies still holds the secret to new life.
Sex after pregnancy is delicious, but pushing a human out of your body isn't the only way to have a taste. I wish I had known what I know now when I was just practicing for a baby. Here's hoping my soul-sisters don't wait until after childbirth to give their sex life a big, tender kiss of erotic love.