Sometimes the subject just comes up!
By Melanie Gorman and Pat Love and Karen Finn and Julie Nise and Jasbina Ahluwalia — Written on Aug 28, 2018
It's a very common scenario — you go on a first date, have a drink or two, and you both start talking about your lives, past loves and dreams for the future. Then, one of you makes the grievous mistake of sharing too much about an old flame.
And suddenly you realize there's way too much ex baggage left over to safely pursue a new relationship.
This is a first date FAIL. The potential of "what might be" is lost in the wreckage of being too open and honest too soon.
So what's the answer? Never talk about your exes when you're dating, ever?
Obviously, it's not as simple as just keeping your past to yourself. Experts agree that there is a need for balance and disclosure with new loves. We live in a world where inundated with information about lying, cheating spouses and as a consequence, singles in America want total transparency with a partner.
According to Match.com, "single women demand digital transparency in relationships. 77 percent of women would not date someone who was secretive with their texts versus 53 percent of men."
So secrecy is bad, but so is over sharing.
We took this topic to our Experts and asked their best advice on when to share your past with a new date and HOW much is safe to disclose. Host and YourTango Senior VP of Experts Melanie Gorman gathered divorce coach Karen Finn; matchmaker and dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia; counselor and therapist Dr. Pat Love; and relationship trainer Julie Nise to explore what really matters when opening up about past relationships to a new love.
Overall the advice is clear — it's all about the timing!
Saying too much TOO soon leads invites questions and doubts often answered through inaccurate speculation. And we all know what happens when you assume you know the real truth. (Never ends well.)
If you're single and worried about making this mistake, take heed, you can still share about your life, you just need to learn the best TIMING to do it. Watch the video above and make a list of what the Experts suggest to master the art of sharing while being mindful about how timing affects "new love" magic.
And if you need personal help, our Experts are here. Jasbina offers an elite matchmaking and date coaching service, Karen can help you figure out how to get out of a bad relationship and steady yourself for a new one and Julie can help you work things out with the ones you love.
