You aren't here to make everyone happy — and that's okay.
Ever since the caveman days, men have been saying "no" with ease. But women? It's almost as if we're allergic to saying the word "no." It doesn't matter how logical our reason is for saying no, we still somehow feel bad when we have to let someone down for any reason.
I find myself to be an assertive person, but I still find myself fumbling to say no more often than not — or worse, giving some wordy explanation or multiple explanations as to why I've said no.
I can't simply say "no" without feeling badly and I know there are a million other women like me, so I've decided to take back my right to say no by taking lessons from men, and so should you, ladies. We're not here to please everyone!
1. Realize you don't owe anyone a "yes."
Men don't feel they owe the world anything, yet somehow we women think we have to please everyone. Apparently, when they give out ovaries, they also make it a contractual agreement that we must say yes to everyone and anyone.
F*ck that! Men know rightly so that they don't owe anyone anything. It may seem harsh and cold but it's freeing when you realize that you aren't here to make everyone happy. You aren't a clown or a comedy act (you might be professionally but not in your everyday life). You don't wear a curly red wig and clown suit. Not everyone deserves a yes or needs to be "made happy."
Say no like a man by realizing and owning the fact that you aren't here to make everyone's day.
2. Stop giving explanations as to why you're saying no.
One day, stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "No" over and over again without the long-winded spiel of excuses as to why you're saying no.
Men say no without some breathless reasoning behind it. They spit out no as is, no sugary fluff to coat it down. In fact, they give their medicine straight and so should you. Practice it. No, no, no, and no!
3. Stop feeling bad or guilty.
I always feel bad saying no. Why? Why do I have to spend my life feeling tortured because I told someone no? Do men? Nope. Nada! They say no because they honestly don't want to do something and feel good knowing they were honest with what they wanted.
Why can't you feel good knowing you're truthful with yourself and others by rejecting something when you can't do it, don't want to do it, or it's simply too much for you to do at that moment?
Feeling bad about being honest with others is no way to live. Men never feel bad about their honesty and women should learn from this. Say no and don't feel guilty. The person you said no to will survive.
4. Don't say "yes" if you don't really mean it.
Ladies, you know what I am talking about with the passive-aggressive yes. A passive-aggressive yes is when you say yes but inside you're thinking, "Oh, HELL no!"
The problem with this annoying passive-aggressive yes is you end up building up resentment towards someone that could've been avoided, which ruins relationships of all kinds: work, friends, family, and lovers.
The person you've said that passive-aggressive yes to tends to also catch on that you're not too happy about this "yes." This creates resentment on the other person's behalf towards you. It's not pretty. Say the assertive and honest no. Men do it. We should do it. Enough said.
5. Trust your intuition.
What's worse is when we scream no in our heart, but our head convinces us that we must say yes in order to be most-liked, loved, accepted by a man, not fired, popular, not abused, because it's easier, and other excuses in our mind.
We box ourselves into believing that saying yes is the much better option, even when deep inside we want to say no so badly. Stop overriding your intuition ladies and say no when you know damn well that no is the answer you want to give.
6. Stay true to what you want.
So, you say no and now someone's mad at you. Guess what? Life goes on. It may stink to have someone be mad at you, but most likely he or she will respect you for your honesty.
There's nothing more refreshing than when someone is straightforward about his or her desires. I like when things are laid out on the table for me, even if I don't like what I see. Start saying no and you'll garner respect from others.
No matter what, ladies, remember: you aren't a clown or sideshow. You aren't here to make everyone smile.
Be honest with what you want with both yourself and others, and you'll command respect and feel good at the end of the day. Leave the guilt at home and starting owning and loving your decisions.